Alexa was sitting cross legged before Sassie, with Aiov lying casually on the German Shepherd’s back. She had a metal bowl in her lap with chunks of fresh meat for Aiov and cooked meat for her large canine protector. It had been a difficult time as the dog had missed Aaron more and more, to the point that she had begun to refuse food. Aiov's enthusiasm, however, seemed to help slightly in countering that refusal, and Alexa had found that feeding them together at least got some food into the lonely Earth ambassador. She scratched at the dog’s head as Aiov happily chomped on another scrap of meat. “Look at that! You won’t be outdone by a leokit now, will you?” She placed a cube of seared meat before Sassie’s nose. She sniffed it twice before eating. “You’re going to be so spoiled by the time we get him back. We’ll both get in trouble.” Aiov snuggled into the thick black and tan fur, using her paw to guide the next morsel into her mouth. Sassie managed a few more pieces before turning her head away with a grunt. Satisfied with what she had achieved Alexa gave a few more scraps to Aiov before placing the bowl into the recycler. The loudspeakers throughout the Rinoxian vessel blared a loud message announcing they had now crossed into Hive space and that their readiness was being moved to level three. Her door chimed. Opening it, she found Allistan in his new Terran Wolves uniform. “You need to come quickly, the Porkchop Express has arrived.” As she grabbed Aaron's old leather jacket, Sassie immediately rose to follow which caused Aiov to roll to the floor. "You come," she spoke to the dog, then turned to the distinctly unhappy leokit who had just lost her warm pillow. "You stay, sorry.” They walked briskly through the corridors of the Rinoxian warship towards a secure meeting room which had two Terran Wolves outside the door. Their black uniforms and red collars were easily identifiable and they gave sharp salutes as Alexa approached. “I told you not to salute.” The two guards lowered their hands sheepishly as the doors opened. Sassie immediately surged past Alexa to happily greet the returning crew members. She moved from Ranjaz to Jaym, receiving many scratches and hugs. Even Eruwenn and Cygna received a quick examination, but she soon stopped when no sign of Aaron could be found. The German Shepherd forlornly returned to Alexa's side as the Awakened took a seat at the meeting table. “Is the room secure?” Cygna, now in a smart black uniform with white collar, stood. “We have taken additional precautions due to the sensitive information we will be discussing.” Tilting her head, Alexa took in the Fae’Dan’s new clothing. “You’re one of us now?” Eruwenn gave a slight chuckle. Aside from Alexa, she was the only one not in uniform. “She lost a game of dalcho, or two.” “Seven.” Ranjaz said with a wicked grin. “Don’t worry, she’s actually been a fairly competent assistant. Aside from her gambling issues, obviously.” Her head drooping to look at her feet, Cygna replied, “I swear by Tulseria’s right hand, I will get you back for this!” The Kittran’s grin grew more predatory. “Wanna bet?” There was a long table by the wall where Embar was fixing himself a drink, He turned, shaking his head. “I’m not sure I approve of your recruiting techniques.” The Kittran shrugged. “She’s worth it – even broke the code on this.” He tossed the recovered device onto the table as Embar returned and took his seat opposite him. “And, you’re going to want a stronger drink, General.” Curiosity piqued, Allistan took his seat, preparing his notepad and pen. “What did you find?” Ranjaz was about to speak when Eruwenn held up her hand. “I think we should let General Embar read this first. He can take a moment before we all continue.” Raising an eyebrow, Embar sat down in a nearby chair and connected the device to a non-networked datapad. “Why me?” He began scrolling through the files, tapping on icons and delving deeper. His breathing suddenly stopped, his face contorting. Disbelief morphed into anger, and as his body tensed, anger turned to white-hot rage. He placed the datapad down on the table before him and stood, walking back towards the drinks table. He lowered his head, his body radiating anger as his muscles clenched and unclenched, then raised his fist into the air and slammed it into the table. Bottles, glasses and everything else it had held went crashing to the ground as it buckled under force of his blow. “We’re going to kill every last one of those Sentinel bastards!” No longer smiling, Ranjaz stood. “You’re Tulseria damned right we are.” Jaym was sitting silently, but she pulled a rag from her pocket and dabbed at her tears. After they had fled from the casino she had tried to help crack the encryption on the stolen device. Part of her wished they never had, as its contents had disturbed her so much. Now that they had finally caught up with Alexa, Embar and the others who had been on the Rinoxian homeworld, she empathised deeply with the pain this information was bringing. “It’s so awful, I’m so sorry Embar.” Eruwenn patted the young Arkellian on the shoulder to comfort her as she looked at the Rinoxian. “Please believe me, General Warbringer. The council knew nothing of this.” Alexa picked up the datapad, using her nanites to more quickly access the information. She grit her teeth, biting back her anger, then passed it quickly to Allistan. “You need to read this. Then we need to plan our next move.” She looked at the back of the unmoving Rinoxian. “Embar?” Embar slowly turned around, his jaw set, determination in his eyes. “We keep this quiet. We’re on an active mission and need everyone focused on the job at hand.” Allistan went to click his pen as he read, but with a gasp the pen fell from his fingers. “We can’t keep quiet, the galaxy needs to see this.” The Rinoxian nodded. “They will. When the time is right.”
It had been two cycles and the incursion fleet had advanced deep into Hive space. Over half of the force accompanying them were the Rinoxians under their new Galactic Federation commanders. There were over a dozen Galactic Federation ships along with six Gowe destroyers, and a dozen ships from other races including the Niham and Kah’Ree. Admiral Pelar, on board the Blazing Dawn, commanded four Ashi ships including the Righteous Fury. The smallest craft by far was the Porkchop Express, a speck amongst titans. Its white painted hull, chrome bull bars and bright cartoon logo were a stark contrast to the military ships it accompanied. Sassie was more comfortable now that she was in familiar territory, and slept on a pile of Aaron’s clothes in his quarters. Allistan and Alexa were sitting opposite Jar’Bek in his small office. The Ashi looked exhausted as he finally put down his datapad. “I’m sorry to have kept you.” Allistan fidgeted in his seat. “Not at all, was that your mother again?” Stiffening slightly at the use of the word mother the lawyer forced himself to relax again. “Admiral Pelar has informed us that they have been repeatedly scanned by the Gowe. She’s taking no action, as we’re supposed to be allies, but wanted you to be aware.” Alexa nodded and he continued. “When we arrive at the next system the commanders of each ship have been called to the Hooves of Destiny. Vice-Admiral Koo Ji has requested an in person meeting, with all senior officers.” There were several pen clicks. “That seems unusual.” Jar’Bek gave a knowing nod. “Extremely. To remove every ship’s command, behind enemy lines? It makes no sense.” Alexa pushed her hair back from her face. “The Rinoxians agreed to it?” The Ashi nodded. “Most of their command have been replaced. Anyway, they outnumber – and outgun – the other ships. Why would they be concerned?” Allistan’s pen clicked. “They probably just put it down to Gal. Fed. protocols, or fear.” Jar’Bek nodded. “They’ve had us stopping in random systems to scan. No doubt it’s to delay us, but perhaps also to lower the Rinoxian’s guard?” Leaning back in her chair, the Awakened considered the options. “Maybe there's another fleet waiting to ambush us? Or following us?” Allistan twirled his pen in his fingers. “No, no. All eyes are on the border since Aaron’s capture. It must be something else.” Moving on to her next idea, Alexa asked, “Sabotage?” The Ashi gave a chuckle. “That is Admiral Pelar’s conclusion. The Gal. Fed. officers have been on board the other ships, and the possibility exists that there are Sentinels working amongst them. They are all in command positions, and will all be leaving. It’s a logical conclusion.” Allistan’s pen halted its spinning. “The Ashi ships, they can’t have been sabotaged, right?” The lawyer nodded. “True, but, it wouldn’t matter. Their ships are old and have seen too much action. Those Gowe ships alone are more than they could handle.” The Fae’Dan sighed and shook his head at the situation they were facing. “We should have brought more ships. The new ones.” Alexa, staring at the ceiling, spoke softly. “No, we don’t need to show our hand just yet. But send word to Chae’Sol, make sure he has the coordinates.” Jar’Bek nodded and made a note on his datapad. “What about the others?” The Awakened closed her eyes. It was times like this she missed her human and his habit of taking charge. “Tell Embar to warn his contacts among the Rinoxians. The others… I have no idea, I just want to sleep.” Allistan, a stickler for accuracy, replied, “I didn’t think Awakened slept?” She sat up and gave a half-hearted smile. In an unusual moment of vulnerability, she replied, “I was told you can do anything in a dream. For those moments, we would all be together again.” Allistan struggled to come up with a response to that, and the Ashi, having noticed this, stepped in to fill the gap in conversation. “We’ll find him. I can’t lose the most profitable client in the galaxy now, can I?” Now past the moment of awkwardness, the Fae’Dan also answered. “I’m sure he’s fine. In fact, he’s probably already on his way back to us.” Alexa gave Allistan a withering look. “You think he single-handedly defeated the Hive, stole a ship and managed to figure out how to fly it back here?” The former Inspector paused to consider it. “No. It will most likely be something even more preposterous. Perhaps he married their Queen?” The ridiculousness of the idea brought a chuckle to the Awakened. “Maybe. Hopefully nothing that drastic; he’d probably just turn their society upside down with some ridiculous scheme.” Jar’Bek also smiled. “A little civil unrest, perhaps a few riots? No doubt with merchandise.” Finally breaking into a broad grin, Alexa replied, “I think we all might be over-estimating him a little.”
Aaron stood in the trade area of Toivoa station with a contingent of Gardener Royal Guards behind him, Tsy’Lo by his side, and a very angry mob in front of him. Several well-dressed local leaders were dragged from the crowd to stand before him; Mycena, Tricinic, Procyon and a dozen other refugee races were crammed into the triple height area of the station. One of the leaders staggered towards Aaron. “You! You caused this!” Aaron, feigning as much innocence as possible, pointed to his chest. “Me?” One of the Mycena he had met during his time on the station came forward. “We’ve all seen the videos! They kept us in the dark about what is going on out there! The Galactic Federation are coming! Our leaders lied to us!” The accusatory leader, a Procyon with greying fur, pointed at Aaron. “Your... Your propaganda, has driven them mad! Your lies! They’re destroying the station!” The human smiled and maintained his innocent expression. “My propaganda?” Several in the crowd held up datapads; Aaron’s smiling face was on every one. “Oh... that propaganda.” Tsy’Lo tugged on his sleeve. “What did you do?!” Aaron crouched down slightly. “Remember when I accidentally picked up the kids datapad and you returned it?” “Yes…” The Tricinic flushed orange as realisation struck. “It wasn’t the child’s datapad!” Aaron straightened up. “Yeah, thanks for helping bring down society.” He laughed as Tsy’Lo became a very opaque green hue. “Don’t worry, I’ve got an idea.” The greying Procyon shook his fist at the human. “You better! They should throw you in a cage for the rest of your life for this. Hundreds of celes of peace, destroyed!” Aaron looked down at the angry alien. “Your peace, not theirs.” He gestured back towards the Gardeners, and walked towards them without waiting for a reply. He raised his hands high, motioning for the unruly mob to settle down. “Alright, alright. Settle down, munchkins. So the wizard’s a liar? Welcome to reality. The Gardeners have been fighting and dying to keep you safe from the flying monkeys, while you all hide in your Emerald City and get on with your lives. That shit ends now. You’re crying out for change? Then welcome to the revolution, baby! We’re opening up the borders, we’re rejoining the rest of the galaxy! No more hiding!” The crowd was already worked up, and cheering came easily despite the large lack of understanding. The human nodded — he was enjoying this far too much — and then gestured again for quiet. He spoke quietly at first, adding excitement to his voice as it built in power. “So prepare for a chance of a lifetime! Be prepared for sensational news!” The Procyon official’s mouth opened and closed silently before he managed to shake his mind free of the initial shock of the human’s words. “No! Stop! What are you even saying?” Aaron didn’t care about the official. He put the palm of his hand on their face, which easily dwarfed it in size, and gently pushed them slowly backwards. He then leapt up onto a crate; his showmanship on camera was nothing to his on-stage presence. “A shining new era is tiptoeing nearer, and where do you feature? Just listen to teacher! You’ve stagnated here for long enough. Lied to and kept in the dark, well, no more!” The crowd was his, he knew it. The official knew it. Tsy’Lo knew it and was a nervous shade of blue. Aaron clambered from the crate to the roof of a stall, standing high above the crowd. The cheers followed every rambling sentence and, drunk on power, Aaron was loving it. “Spread the word to every planet, every station, every colony and every ship. Change is not coming, it’s here and it is now!” The crowd roared again, and the desperate official turned to Tsy’Lo. “What in the nine moons is he talking about?” “I’ll tell you what I’m talking about.” Aaron snapped. He stood looking out over the crowd. “I am the Ambassador of a world called Earth. I have taken ownership of a small star system that is being colonised as we speak. These colonies are a coalition of races, from within the Federation, as well as without. We rule ourselves, but have treaties and agreements with the Federation itself, as well as various individual races within it.” Several questions were called out from the crowd, but one voice was louder than the others. “How does that help us?” With a smile, the human walked back and forth across the roof of the stall as he spoke. “Good question my friend.” He pointed vaguely at where the voice had come from. “I do not have contact with my homeworld at this time. To ensure that all of whatever Earth has become would be included we put in place clauses for future territories, dominions, settlements etc, etc…” The crowd was quiet now, trying to follow the human’s explanation. Looking out at the blank faces Aaron realised he needed to get to the point. “Congratulations, you’re now a protectorate of Earth!”
He was met with utter silence.
Suddenly, there were several angry yells from the crowd, some claiming this was a joke while others were simply confused. The official was the one who dared clamber to the crate below Aaron in order to yell up to him. “Are you insane?” Aaron’s smile made Tsy’Lo shudder, as it was the same one he had given as he had explained his idea to the Gardener Queen. The human stepped forward to stand at the front of the stall roof. “I declared war on the Gardeners. The war lasted seven Earth minutes, and was quickly resolved when the Queen surrendered to me in person.” Silence fell once again, and Aaron found himself half-yearning for the sound of crickets to emphasize the moment. The crowd erupted once more, outrage at the ridiculous claims the strange alien was spewing forth. Tsy’Lo released a deafeningly loud harmonic whistle which was followed by another momentary quiet. They paled as the crowd's attention fell on them. “You need to listen, all of you. He is speaking the truth, sort of. He held the Queen and the Gardeners council hostage with a bomb.” Small grey particles filled the Tricinic at the memory of being used as a weapon. The crowd began to grow rowdy at this news, causing Tsy’Lo to let off another sonic blast. “It is all a human trick; once we are part of his alliance we fall under the treaties he already has in place.” The crowd looked back up to the human. “Like I said, congratulations. You just walked in through the backdoor of a peace treaty with the Galactic Federation, and over a dozen separate treaties with other races.” The crowd were now arguing amongst themselves. The official - who Aaron was now mentally calling Gobshite - once again challenged him. “At what cost, though? What do you get out of this?” The smile of mischief once more graced the human’s lips and Tsy’Lo considered pulling him down from his stage. They had been on their way to the border when news of the riots on Toivoa reached them. Aaron’s presence had been demanded and he had happily accepted. The human looked almost as gleeful as that moment of acceptance when he spoke again. “Me? I get to go home. I get friends with big sticks. I get to trade openly with you, and believe me, I have a lot of crap to sell you.” He chuckled. “You get to be part of the galaxy again. You get to travel and trade. Our rules are simple and fair; everyone is equal under the law. You have exactly the same rights as everyone else who joined us. And the cost?” He paused for effect, making sure they were all paying attention. “You stand on your own two feet.” He glanced around, noting the sheer diversity of the crowd. “Or one foot... or four... Or whatever it is you’re balancing on.” The crowd was a buzz of conversation, and Gobshite once again chimed in. “You think they’ll let us back without a fight? We can expose them! Those bastards tried to exterminate us!” The crowd jeered along with the old Procyon. Aaron held up his hands. “Woah, woah. Only some of them. That’s the thing, there are a lot more members now. So here’s the plan: shut up. If you don’t say anything, they sure as shit aren’t going to out themselves, are they? While everyone is staring at the former Hive terror that they all feared, you guys just start working and trading, nice and quiet.” A few murmurs of agreement came from the crowd. Gobshite, however, was more than a murmur. “You want us to forget our ancestors suffering?” A little irritated, Aaron was more harsh than he intended. “You’ve wallowed in it long enough. Look at you, hiding for generations, keeping your communications to a minimum to avoid detection. Is this all some master plan as you build an army to seek revenge? Fuck no!” He saw the shame on their faces. “You’re happy to leave this status quo to future generations? You want to remember the suffering of your ancestors, fine, build a fucking statue. But don’t hold back your children to do it.” The crowd were growing louder again as they discussed his words. “Look!” the human yelled. “I’m not saying you forget, or forgive. I’m saying you keep your mouths shut. We won’t announce your presence to the Federation. Instead, I want those of you looking to start something new to come join the new colonies. No big fanfares, just get on with it. In a place filled with different races, you’ll just be another stranger.” He saw the crowd looking at each other, and knew was a lot to take in all at once. “We gather evidence, build trust. Get yourselves established, forge friendships and alliances, and become accepted as part of the new colonies. Let those in the know think their past crimes are forgotten. And when we are ready, we burn down their false history and anyone who tries to defend it!” The crowd cheered once more, and Aaron smiled triumphantly down at Tsy'Lo as he leapt casually from the roof. As he landed, many hands patted his back and many questions were yelled, but it all ceased as one of the Gardeners stepped forward. It was Eridor, as there was no mistaking the red cape he wore. "We need to leave, the Federation have entered our space.” Next
Gravity's Rainbow Group Read | Sections 22-25 | Week 7
Slothrop's Hawaiian Shirt by Zak Smith (2006). I just want to begin by thanking u/Bloomsdayclock for coordinating this endeavor, for all of the previous posts thus far, and for the enthusiastic interaction and scholarship that’s been happening in the comments for each post. This group read has rekindled my love for this book and is helping me understand it in so many different ways and in such greater depth that it's honestly like I’m reading a different book at this point. Also, kudos to each previous poster for creating a coherent post! The book is complex enough on its own but once you start going down the rabbit hole, sussing out the references, reading through some of the scholarship, etc., I almost found myself paralyzed by information overload (kinda feeling a bit like Charlie Kelly trying to figure out who “Pepe Silvia” is :) ). When this reading group started, I was like, “damn, I’m trying to read this insanely complex novel and the group posts are just as long, dense, and complex” and now I’ve gone and written some super long and dense post, too. To paraphrase either Blaise Pascal or Mark Twain (or Woodrow Wilson or apparently a rather large number of dead white guys from history): I would have written a shorter post if I’d had the time! Apologies in advance! Anyways, this post will (attempt to) cover the start of the second section of the novel, Un Perm’ au Casino Hermann Goering. The events that transpire are zany and sinister, titillating and deeply sad. There is a mix of images both gorgeous and disgusting and much of the planning and plotting that took place at “The White Visitation” during the first section are starting to come to fruition in part deux. For each “Episode”, I will provide a general summary of the “action” and then some commentary and we’ll finish this post up with a few discussion questions. Let’s begin! Episode 22 Summary Slothrop is on furlough/leave at a casino in Monaco (from what I’ve read...I thought it was France before, still not completely sure) that’s been renamed in honor of the big fat slob that led Hitler’s air force during the war. He’s in paradise but wakes up “...[waiting] for a sudden noise to begin his day, a first rocket” (p. 181). His friend Tantivy Mucker-Maffick and a somewhat suspicious friend of his, Teddy Bloat (“[there’s] something about the way he talks to Slothrop, patronizing? Maybe nervous…” (p. 182)), are staying down the hall. They’re talking about meeting some girls but, as the first song of the section reminds us, Englishmen can be very shy. Slothrop is happy to help his “buddies” out, but tells them not to “expect [him] to put it in for [them]” (p. 183). Classic Slothrop! Slothrop decides to wear a hideous (or amazing, depending on your sensibilities) genuine Hawaiian shirt that he received from his brother Hogan in the Pacific. The shirt seems to emit a glow (once he steps into the sun, it “blazes into a refulgent life of its own” (!) (p. 184), so Tantivy, “friend” that he is, tries to convince Slothrop to cover it up with scratchy Savile Row coat. The trio hit the beach and the ladies are on them already. They’ve got food and booze and are ready for a nice day on the beach. The morning seems too good even for a bit of the “early paranoia”. And then Bloat ruins everything by drawing Slothrop’s attention to the woman down the beach being attacked by “the biggest fucking octopus Slothrop has ever seen outside of the movies”. Slothrop rushes off to intervene and, left without recourse, starts trying to bash the cephalopod on the head with a wine bottle to no avail. Thankfully, Bloat just happens to have a big, tasty crab on his person, which he tosses to Slothrop with the advice, “It’s hungry, it’ll go for the crab. Don’t kill it, Slothrop.” Slothrop uses the crab to bait away the animal from its current prey, noticing that it does not seem to be in good mental health. He eventually tosses the crab, like a discus, into the sea, and the octopus follows. The damsel has been saved, Slothrop is championed as a brave hero and his first thought is where in the fuck did that crab come from. The exchange: “Tantivy smiles and flips a small salute. “Good show!” cheers Teddy Bloat. “I wouldn’t have wanted to try that myself!” “Why not? You had that crab. Saaay-where’d you get that crab?” “Found it,” replies Bloat with a straight face. Slothrop stares at this bird but can’t get eye contact. What th’ fuck is going on?” (p. 187). The damsel thanks Slothrop. Her ID bracelet identifies her as Katje Borgesius. Slothrop feels like he knows her and “...voices begin to take on a touch of metal, each word a hard-edged clap, and the light, though as bright as before, is less able to illuminate….it’s a Puritan reflex of seeking other orders behind the visible, also known as paranoia, filtering in…” (p. 188). How does Slothrop deal with this? By dividing up his present company into a dichotomy: the increasingly drunk Tantivy, “a messenger from Slothrop’s innocent, pre-octopus past” flirting with the girls and Bloat, “perfectly sober, mustache unruffled, regulation uniform [on the fucking beach!], watching [him] closely” (p. 188). And then there’s Katje, who, with her glance, makes Slothrop think she knows something (what?), asking him “Did you know all the time about the octopus? I thought so because it was so like a dance-all of you” (p. 188). Well, fuck me! Katje then tells “Little Tyrone” to be “very careful” and that “Perhaps, after all, we were meant to meet…” (p. 189). Now that’s a “meet cute” for ya! Commentary/Questions
Is the casino fully owned and controlled by Them at this point (is César Flebótomo (Spanish for “sandfly”) a(n) (un)willing patsy in Their employ?). Is it the “lab” for this “phase” of the Slothrop experiment. Or is it just secured enough to ensure the results of the experiment aren’t tainted by some unforeseen variable/interference?
Teddy Bloat seems like a purposeful pun in reference to the bureaucracy of government/intel agencies
Songs are one way that Pynchon fills his book with “the language of the preterite”, a term from Weisenburger used to describe the “slang, underworld cant, songs, games, folk-genres, and material culture” used by Pynchon to pit “open, unsanctioned, and “low” languages” against the “closed, orthodox, privileged language of a culture”. This idea is expanded on by literary critic/philosopher Mikhail Bakhtin who notes that the “heteroglossic” aspect of novels allows them to be radical, open-ended artworks filled with a variety of voices that each embody a particular time and place (his term for this idea is a “chronotope”).
The whole episode is just soaked in paranoia, from beginning to end. Whatever Slothrop thought he thought he was feeling in Section 1 has been taken up a notch. He senses a plot but keeps playing along.
Is “Borgesius” a tribute to J.L. Borges?
“Little Tyrone” echoes “Baby Tyrone” from Jamf’s experiments and maybe is supposed to make us realize that while the antics in this episode could possibly be construed as a “loss” of Slothrop’s “innocence” that was actually taken from him as a baby.
Episode 23 Summary Dr. Porkyevitch (“Porky the pig”?) and “Grisha” (“[frisking] happily in his special enclosure”) stare back at the “blazing bijou” of the Casino from their ship, contemplating their future now that they may no longer be of use to Pointsman, yearning for traces of the Russia they’ve been exiled from. To the casino: Katje is a vision in shades of green and is escorted by a two-star general and a brigadier. Is it Pudding? RHIP :) Slothrop and Tantivy in the dining room. Slothrop raises the “The Ballad of Tantivy Mucker-Maffic” to get the room singing of his friend’s drunken exploits so that he can speak to Katje who uses the cacophony to invite him to her room after midnight! Slothrop then probes his buddy to see if he notices anything funny going on. Tantivy brushes him off a bit (“there’s always, you know, an element of Slothropian paranoia to contend with…”(p. 192)) but then concedes that the bastard Bloat is receiving coded messages. Ha! And it turns out Bloat has become a bit of a different man over the last few years, something more than being “Blitz rattled”. He’s also warned Tantivy away from Katje (“I’d stay clear of that one if I were you” (p. 193)) and Tantivy feels used by Bloat (“being tolerated for as long as he can use me” (p. 193)). The encounter ends with Tantivy telling Slothrop to be careful and, should he need help, he’ll be there for him. At midnight, Slothrop leaves for his rendezvous with Ms. Borgesius, “ascending flights of red-carpeted stairway (Welcome Mister Slothrop Welcome To Our Structure We Hope You Will Enjoy Your Visit Here)” (p. 194). Arriving, he teases her about her date at dinner and then about their slightly sinister “meet cute” while examining her closet which is absolutely filled to the brim with a variety of outfits. The “Too Soon To Know (Fox-Trot)” before they get down to it. As he is undressing her, he notices “...the moonlight only whitens her back, and there is a still a dark side, her ventral side, her face, than he can no longer see, a terrible beastlike change coming over muzzle and lower jaw, black pupils growing to cover the entire eye space till whites are gone and there’s only the red animal reflection when the light comes to strike no telling when the light-” (p. 196). Yikes! As they fuck, she wonders if his “careful technique” is for her or “wired into the Slothropian Run-together they briefed her on”. Either way, “she will move him, she will not be mounted by a plastic shell” (p. 196-197). Then, a slapstick fight with a seltzer bottle (planted by Them?) that has Slothrop looking for a banana cream pie to toss (classic!) after which they fall asleep, lying like two Ss. In the morning, their post-coital bliss is interrupted as Little Tyrone is rudely awakened by the sound of someone robbing his pants in the room next door. He chases after the thief, first naked, then dressed in a purple satin bedsheet. As he’s chasing, from way down the hallway, “a tiny head appears around a corner, a tiny hand comes out and gives Slothrop the tiny finger” (p. 199). Haha! He chases the thief up a tree only to have the tree cut down while he’s in it. The thief escapes and Bloat and some general find Slothrop a mess. Bloat takes Slothrop to his room where, “every stitch of clothing he owns is gone, including his Hawaiian shirt. What the fuck. Groaning, he rummages in the desk. Empty. Closets empty. Leave papers, ID, everything, taken… Hogan’s shirt bothers him most of all” (p. 201). Nobody knows where Tantivy’s gone off to. Bloat gives Slothrop a uniform (“a piece of Whitehall on the Riviera” (p. 201)) which doesn’t fit but the book advises, “Live wi’ the way it feels mate, you’ll be in it for a while” (p. 201). Slothrop ponders the meaning of the architecture and design of his surrounds, but “shortly, unpleasantly so, it will come to him that everything in this room [The Himmer-Spielsaal, no less] is being used from something different. Meaning things to Them it has never meant to us. Never. Two orders of being, looking identical….but, but….” (p. 202). THE WORLD OVER THERE. Against this realization Slothrop issues the only spell he knows, a defiant “Fuck You”. Walking, rainstorm, entertainment at the casino, no one has seen the dancing girls from the drunken breakfast, Slothrop is “finding only strangers where he looks” before freaking out in the casino, then getting wet in the rain, then returning to Katje, the only place he knew to come. Commentary
I love “The Ballad of Tantivy Mucker-Maffic” and would like to write a similar tune about the inebriated shenanigans committed by my best friend and I during college.
The bit about Oxford and Harvard not really existing to educate was a nice touch (p. 193)
“Snazzy” is an “Americanism” in the 40s! (p. 195).
Slothrop ponders an impending loss of innocence (but, again, it seems like that has already happened). He has nothing and no one in a foreign country and the sensation that his life is being purposefully, possibly nefariously influenced by forces he can vaguely perceive. “It’s here that saturation hits him, it’s all this playing games, too much of it, too many games: the nasal, obsessive voice of a croupier he can’t see...is suddenly speaking out of the Forbidden Wing directly to him, and about what Slothrop has been playing against the invisible House, perhaps after all for his soul, all day - terrified, he turns, turns out into the rain again where the electric lights of the Casino, in full holocaust, are glaring off the glazed cobbles.” And then, “How did this all turn against him so fast? His friends old and new, every last bit of paper and clothing connecting him to what he’s been, have just, fucking, vanished. How can he meet this with any kind of grace?” (p. 205)
The word “holocaust” is used quite a bit in this story
Setting this all in the casino is a nice touch: there is the illusion of chance and luck in a casino but the house always wins.
The juxtaposition of the comic (seltzer fight) with the tragic (Slothrop alone, trying to understand what’s happening) heightens both effects.
Episode 24 Summary They wake up with Katje calling slothrop a pig, which responds to by oinking. At breakfast, he is taking a refresher course in technical German and learning about The Rocket. His tutor, Sir Stephen Dodson-Truck (who speaks 33 languages!) aiding his understanding of German circuit schematics by way of ancient German runes. Slothrop understands immediately that Dodson-Truck is in on the plot but not sure how (“There are times when Slothrop can actually find a clutch mechanism between him and Their iron-cased engine far away up a power train whose shape and design he has to guess at, a clutch he can disengage, feeling then all his inertia of motion, his real helplessness… it is not exactly unpleasant, either. Odd thing. He is almost sure that whatever They want, it won’t mean risking his life, or even too much of his comfort. But he can’t fit any of it into a pattern, there’s no way to connect somebody like Dodson-Truck with somebody like Katje…. The real enemy’s somewhere back in that London anyways” (p. 207). Back in the Himmler-Spielsaal: “in the twisted gilt playing-room his secret motions clarify for him, some. The odds They played here belonged to the past, the past only. Their odds were never probabilities, but frequencies already observed. It’s the past that makes demands here. It whispers, and reaches after, and sneering disagreeably, gooses its victims. When they choose numbers, red, black, odd, even, what did They mean it? What Wheel did They set in motion? Back in a room, early in Slothrop’s life, a room forbidden to him now, is something very bad. Something was done to him and it may be that Katje knows what. Hasn’t he, in her “futureless look,” found some link to his own past, something that connects them closely as lovers?” (p. 208-209). “It is a curve each of them feels, unmistakably. It is the parabola.” No more news from London or Achtung. Bloat is gone now, too. Sir Stephen and Katje with their identical Corporate Smiles to dazzle him while they rob his identity. But! “He lets it happen” (p. 210). Slothrop is getting hardons after his rocket study sessions and then goes looking for relief with Katje. Sir Stephen appears to be timing these erections! So, Slothrop gets the smart idea to get him drunk via a drinking game and many, many people end up getting sloshed on some high class bubbly. Half the room is singing the “Vulgar Song”. Slothrop and Sir Steve get pretty hammered and start walking through a nice sunset, where Slothrop sees robed figures, hundreds of miles tall, on the horizon. Sir Stephen informs Slothrop that he’s got “potency issues” (which makes him the perfect observer for Slothrop’s sexual misadventures… “no nasty jissom getting all over their reports, you know” (p. 216)). He’s about to tell Slothrop the secret of “The Penis He Thought Was His Own”... ...but then starts waxing nostalgic about Sir Stephen’s son and his wife, Nora and her “Ideology of the Zero”. An interlude with Eventyr, Sachsa, Leni… “but where will Leni be now? Either we didn’t mean to lose her - either it was an ellipsis in our care, in what some of us even swear is our love, or someone has taken her, deliberately, for reasons being kept secret, and Sachsa’s death is part of it too” (p. 218). More on Sachsa’s death. Then, Sir Stephen vanishes (“but not before telling Slothrop that his erections of high interest to Fitzmaurice House”). Katje is pissed that Slothy got Sir Steve drunk enough to dish on the plot. They fight and then fuck. More rocket study sessions. The rocket taking off looks like a peacock, def pfau. Slothrop pressing for more information, Katje rebuffing, warning/advising“Oh, Slothrop… You don’t want me. What they’re after may, but you don’t. No more than A4 wants London. But I don’t think they know...about other selves...yours or the Rocket’s. No more than you do. If you can’t understand it now, at least remember. That’s all I can do for you” (p. 224). Then, “They go back up to her room again: cock, cunt, the Monday rain at the windows” (p. 224) (Oh, Tom, you romantic!). And finally, a bit of kazoo music, a final night together, and Katje disappears, too. Commentary
Slothrop makes an important connection to his childhood and wonders if Katje knows about it/whether she’s with him because of it (ol’ Pynch even manages to work in the rocket, too!): “You were in London while they were coming down. I was in ‘s Gravenhage while they were going up. Between you and me is not only a rocket trajectory but also a life. You will come to understand that between the two points, in the five minutes, it lives an entire life. You haven’t even learned the data on our side of the flight profile, the visible or trackable. Beyond them there’s so much more, so much none of us know” (p. 209).
More on the import of setting the action in the Casino: “The Forbidden Wing. Oh, the hand of a terrible croupier is that touch on the sleeves of his dreams: all his life of what has looked free or random, is discovered to’ve been under some Control, all the time, the same as a fixed roulette wheel-where only destinations are important, attention is to long-term statistics, not individuals: and where the House does, of course, keep turning a profit…” (p. 209).
A beautiful passage: “‘Holy shit.” This is the kind of sunset you hardly see any more, a 19th-century wilderness sunset...this anachronism in primal red, in yellow purer than can be found anywhere today, a purity begging to be polluted...of course Empire took its way westward, what other way was there but into those virgin sunsets to penetrate and to foul” (p. 214). Always dualities in this book.
“A pornography of blueprints” (p. 224). is a nice turn of phrase.
Foreshadowing: “She has her hair combed high today in a pompadour, her fair eyebrows, plucked to wings, darkened, eyes rimmed in black, only the outboard few lashes missed and left blond.
Connection to Nabokov: I really do think “Signs and Symbols” influenced this novel. Lines like this, “Here it is again, that identical-looking Other World - is he gonna have this to worry about, now? What th’ - lookit these trees - each long frond hanging, stuny, dizzying, in laborious dry point against the sky, each so perfectly placed…” (p. 225) remind me so much of the atmosphere in the story (itself about paranoia (“referential mania”)). This is a key excerpt from the Nabokov ditty: “In these very rare cases the patient imagines that everything happening around him is a veiled reference to his personality and existence. He excludes real people from the conspiracy - because he considers himself to be so much more intelligent than other men. Phenomenal nature shadows him wherever he goes. Clouds in the staring sky transmit to one another, by means of slow signs, incredibly detailed information regarding him. His inmost thoughts are discussed at nightfall, in manual alphabet, by darkly gesticulating trees. Pebbles or stains or sun flecks form patterns representing in some awful way messages which he must intercept. Everything is a cipher and of everything he is the theme.” Obviously this guy is, uh, slightly more clinical, but I still think the atmosphere/tone is similar between the two.
Episode 25 Summary We begin this episode with a Pavlov lecture about the physiological symptoms of hysteria and one of Pointsman’s poems (which he never shows to anyone). Then to the “White Visitation” chaps (Pointsman, Grunton, Throwster, Groast) rumor-mongering about their future. Things are looking bleak. Pudding might cut off funding, “Slothrop’s knocked out Dodson-Truck and the girl in one day” (p. 227), and Sir Steven’s got the P.M.’s son-in-law making embarrassing inquiries. But Pointsman is calm. Very calm. In fact, “[b]y facing squarely the extinction of his program, he has gained a great bit of Wisdom: that if there is a life force operating in Nature, still there is nothing so analogous in bureaucracy. Nothing so mystical. It all comes down, as it must, to the desires of individual men. Oh, and women too, of course, bless their empty little heads. But survival depends on having strong enough desires - on knowing the System better than the other chap, and how to use it. It’s work, that’s all it is, and there’s no room for any extrahuman activities - they only weaken, effeminize the will: a man either indulges them, or fights to win, und so weiter” (p. 230). And then we find out that Pointman’s figured out how to play Pudding to keep his support (more on that in a bit…) as he’s figured out Treacle, Groast, and Throwster, how to use them and manipulate them to get what he wants. What a fucking devious guy! Webley Silvernail sticks around after the meeting and imagines the lab animals putting on a beguine performance of a song called “Pavlovia” (right after this realization by Silvernail: “From overhead, from a German camera-angle, it occurs to Webley Silvernail, this lab here is also a maze...but who watches from above, who notes their reponses?” (p. 229)). And it’s all song and dance for a bit but since it’s Pynchon, it’s followed by an incredible poignant/tragic moment of clarity: “They have had their moment of freedom. Webley has only been a guest start. Now it’s back to the cages and the rationalized forms of death-death in the service of the one species cursed with the knowledge that it will die…. “I would set you free, if I knew how. But it isn’t free out here. All the animals, the plants, the minerals, even other kinds of men, are being broken and reassembled every day, to preserve an elite few, who are the loudest to theorize on freedom, but the least free of all. I can’t even give you hope that it will be different someday - that They’ll come out, and forget death, and lose Their technology’s elaborate terror, and stop using every other form of life without mercy to keep what haunts men down to a tolerable level - and be like you instead, simply here, simply alive….” The guest star retires down the corridors” (p. 230). What a soliloquy. [Tangent: almost 50 years later, how prescient is this passage?! This little monologue filled me with so many conflicting emotions: hope (because humans like Pynchon exist to dream this stuff up) and also dread because this paragraph describes a fundamental aspect and egregious flaw (or flaws) in human nature. Reading and re-reading this passage depresses me a little (hence my question about mental health below). Now Pudding is sneaking about the bowels of “The White Visitation”. He heads past the cells of loonies on his way to a secret rendezvous. It seems like Pointsman may have drugged him at some point to get at hidden desires. We watch as our dear old Brigadier putters from room-to-room, finding items left for him by Pointsman that mock him and describe his descent into a personal hell (for info on the symbolism, the Weisenburger book is quite helpful). In the final room, Pudding drops to his knees at the feet of his Domina Nocturna (with “her blond hair...tucked and pinned beneath a thick black wig”... “naked except for a long sable cape and black boots with court heels” (p. 233)). Pudding is thinking of the night they first met. He saw “her” “...through the periscope, underneath a star shell that hung in the sky, he saw her….and though he was hidden, she saw Pudding. Her face was pale, she was dressed all in black, she stood in No-man’s Land, the machine guns raked their patterns all around her, but she needed no protection. “They knew you, Mistress. They were your own. And so were you” (p. 233). And then he offers her a “nice” memory of a legion of Franco’s troops killing and getting killed at a massacre at Badajoz for which he is “rewarded” with her beating and then pissing and shitting in his mouth… … … … However off-putting this may be for some (most), it does something for Pudding. He needs pain. “They have stuffed paper illusions and military euphemisms between him and this truth, this rare decency, this moment at her scrupulous feet….no it’s not guilt here, not so much as amazement - that he could have listened to so many years of ministers, scientists, doctors each with his specialized lies to tell, when she was here all the time, sure in her ownership of his failing body, his true body: undisguised by uniform, uncluttered by drugs to keep from him her communiqués of vertigo, nausea and pain. Above all, pain. The clearest poetry, the endearment of greatest worth…” (p. 234-235). Munching down on a hot turd makes Pudding think of the horrible smells of his service during WWI: putrid mud, rot, death, “...the sovereign smell of their first meeting, and her emblem” (p. 235). After eating her shit, he jerks off (his release), in a style that Domina Nocturna has learned from watching Captain Blicero and Gottfriend (at this point, it is safe to say, Domina Nocturna is Katje. Will we ever be able to look at her the same?). Pudding is then dismissed to “...a late-night cup of broth, routine papers to sign, a dose of penicillin that Pointsman has ordered him to take, to combat the effects of E. Coli” (p. 236). So thoughtful, that Pointsman... Commentary
The Silvernail hallucination/phantasmagoria seems like something straight out of “The Big Lebowski” had Jodorowsky had a bit of influence over the Coen Bros. art direction. Many of the songs in this section feel “Lebowski-esque” but this one especially so to me. Maybe its the detailed choreographic notes: “They dance in flowing skeins. The rats and mice form circles, curl their tails in and out to make chrysanthemum and sunburst patterns, eventually all form into the shape of a single giant mouse, at whole eye Silvernail poses with a smile” (p. 230).
The Franco bit is a nice way of linking facism and death worship
Pudding eating Domina Nocturna’s shit really, to quote an earlier passage, gave “de wrinkles in mah brain a process!”. There is so much symbolism there! Instead of ascending to heaven, Pudding heads down to hell. We have so many dualities linked in the act: between young and old, sacred and profane, pleasure and pain, pleasure through pain, WWI and WW2, man and woman, life and death, the general as a slave, even the food transformed through Katje into waste, all linked through the act of eating shit. For a moment they are linked so intimately, so delicately. No parabolas, a circle. And, of course, there’s also the diabolical Pointsman in the background, pulling the strings and manipulating to keep Pudding in line. I remember reading this for the first time and just being shocked and confused and now reading it again and finding so much meaning. That ol’ Pynchon is a devious bastard, hiding such loaded symbolism in such an obscene encounter. The Pulitzer committee had no idea what was coming for them!
So, if you’ve reached this point, congratulations and I am sorry! Here are my discussion questions. Looking forward to future posts! Discussion Questions Both On Topic and Tangential
Why is paranoia described as a “Puritan reflex” in Episode 22?
In Episode 23, as Slothrop peruses Katje’s extensive wardrobe, what is the significance of the line, “Aha! wait a minute, the operational scent in here is carbon tet, Jackson, and this wardrobe here’s mostly props” (p. 195)?
In Episode 24, what’s the significance of “the watchmen of world’s edge”? Is this an intrusion of the spirit world? Is Slothrop just hallucinating?
In Episode 24, when Peter Sachsa gets the blow to the temple from Schutzmann Jöche, why is his last thought, “How beautiful!” (p. 220)
In Episode 25, there’s a line in the part where Pudding is sneaking around: “A voice from some cell too distant for us to locate intones:...” (p. 231). Why us here? Why the change in perspective?
How’s this book affecting everyone’s mental health (you know, given that we’re in the end times right now)? Seriously, though, there are times when this book makes me so happy to be alive and proud of humanity and also times where it depresses the everloving shit out of me and makes me think that, as a species, we’re doomed to continue making the same mistakes, over and over again, until we end up destroying ourselves.
In a similar vein, do you think people as prodigiously talented and brilliant as Pynchon have any responsibility to counter the evil they see in the world? Is writing books enough or should they do more (lead, teach, etc.) to fight against the awful things they are able to see before the rest of us do?
Kind of a longer story...but it's crazy for sure...forgive my grammar It's been 2 years since I worked maintenance in two really shady apartments in Birmingham Alabama. I had made so poor choices and my life was rock bottom, 200 bucks a week and a shitty apartment, not bad for a struggling drug addict. I had been working with the Nashama apartments for about 3 months when I met "Tony". He was an average height late thirties early forties Native American man. He kinda came outta nowhere but that's not uncommon in that kind of living situation, he dressed nicer than most in our situation but other than that he seemed normal. Now these apartments are "under code" at best. Their whole purpose is to get the homeless of the street so I was grateful for what little I had, but these units where in such terrible shape that Tony and I's job of "maintenance" is almost comical. Tony was very skilled in flooring and plumbing, and he was a pretty funny guy, real quite but he'd make quips every now and then with a northern accent. Over the next 2 months Tony and I became "friends" well if you can call it that, we worked together, lived next door to each other, and...used together. You see Tony was very reserved until he did a line of coke, then he'd start opening up, he'd start talking about an "Indian mafia" up north and north mid west, he talked about how he was born into it, and I've got to be honest I was high and so was he, so I started laughing because it sounded ridiculous and I was pretty sure it was a joke. However, I'll never forget the look on his face and in his eyes...it was this dead stare with a slight smirk, like he was somewhere else reliving something...and it was terrifying. I said " hey man if you ever need to talk...." He said "nah man....it's fine...another life....let's go get some soft (coke)" So we call up dude and went to meet him up the hill like usual. The guy cousin called back and said our dude got hymed up and hung up. Tony said "shit well, I know this other guy" and he proceeded to call him up, and as the guy rolls up I kinda' had this feeling in my stomach, something wasn't right. (Now forgive my language by this how it went down) Tony had our money and was leaning in the car....and that's when I heard Tony yell " nah fuck that" and the guy tried to peel off... Tony had a death grip on this man dragging him through the driver window. Tony screamed " you trying to stiff me bitch" "huh!!!?" He hit this man so hard I swear he was trying to punch through his face! He wouldn't stop Blood and flesh mixing with gravel on the ground. I screamed "Tony stop! Fuck this man let's go" "Fuck you man, check his pockets" Tony yelled I said "I've got the shit, man let's go, please" His face...his eyes...he just looked possessed... with one more kick to this broken man's head we fled we fled into the dark.... "What the fuck have you done Tony!? What did you do!? I'm a fucking white guy bro, you're a Native American! We stick out you idiot!They're going to fucking kill us, you've killed us!!!" I shouted with tears in my eyes "They won't do shit, I punked him out. Beside that bitch didn't see ya'. If he comes around again flashes 9mm I'll dome him." Tony said in a cold 'matter of fact' tone of voice His tone of voice sent chills down my spine. I've never met someone as terrifying Tony in my life. The next morning he told me a bit more, still coked out mind you...look with out saying too too much, Tony told me he "worked" in a series Native American Casinos, as some who dealt with..... loans and collections, if you couldn't pay up...Tony and another like Tony would show up and "handle it". He said "things are different on the Reservations, that what people don't get" as he took a sip of his beer. I'm not gonna lie I was pretty fascinated with his stories and I mean come on they were just stories....right? Over the next few months my worry that someone would come for us settled down some, and we moved on with life fixing up apartments, doing drugs, rinse and repeat. Until one day we were working on a sink kind of tweaking a little, and up until this point I would listen to his "mafioso stories" with a child like wonder, but on this day he told a story...that kind of made me feel sick. He told me about this social security scheme that basically consisted of him and his "bosses" cashing social security checks of people that had "cashed in their souls". He said "we had 6 going until it started falling apart...some one tipped off... " "Y'all finished yet!?" The drunk tennant said "Yep" Tony smiled and said cleaning up his tools He smiled and walked out, right by me, I was still stunned from what I just heard. If he was telling the truth...then he's a coldhearted monster that's also on the run...and if he's lying then he's incredibly fucked up in the head. At 3am that night...I found out. I was woken up by the loudest 'bang' I've ever heard! After the bang a flood of blinding light filled the entire apartment complex! A lot of shouting from outside " what the hell is happening!?" I yelled to my elderly roommate I ran to the front door and opened it to an armed and armored US marshal and a sea of blue lights. "Get back inside! Right now" the marshal said sternly with a rifle pointed down wards but definitely in my direction. So that's what I did. Seeing cops rush our apartment complex is nothing new, but this is the most intense I've seen! The next morning when I came outside, i noticed Tony's door had been smashed in.... "holy shit" I thought while I was walking to the apartment manager's office, I asked "what the hell happened last night?" She proceeded to tell me that "Tony" had been on the run for a while, and had some how fooled his way into a government funded HUD apartment complex and job with said Gov't funded apartments....with an assumed identity. She then turned to me and said with a shocked look "Tony....hurt a lot of people " Every hair on my body stood on end, and all I could get out was "oh..." I'm not much for "conspiracies" but there was nothing on the news about this arrest, I can't find anything on google about it! Then again it's pretty embarrassing that a state funded homeless program let in an on the run fugitive and then paid him to work maintenance lol I only mention this because we had a murder on the apartment grounds (btw this guy was also on maintenance), and what little news there was so incredibly vague, that you'd never really know where they were and were really careful to not mention they were HUD houses. I guess you never really know what's going on in the head of the man next to you TL:DR - I got a maintenance job with a guy that appeared out of no where but I thought was cool, turns out he's a serial murderer being hunted by the Marshalls
Divining wooly views gathered amidst shaven sheep hither Withered over swithering stalls denial state of dither Truth be told frank pens naif soliloquy Safe as house path hath proven treachery Steer clear of herd social immunity Distanced readily available data parsed trendily Blinks recount lost meanings earned from strife learned through catastrophe Graft retained splices tour de force movie Analyzed improvised differently Can't regain past yet relive history Elder protocols reference frames with specificity Documentary denotes concise recusant heresy Fish stink emanates spoils unquestioned head Rather than responsible gods chose dead Lightning rod shields guide flash EMP spread Relevance revivalist revived rival survivalist Diatribe analogous corroborates ridiculous Atoms congress fortuitous naught sea Devoid self restraint officiates ye Fitting new attire inspiring streaking Who protects us whilst we pay for havoc employ they reeking Hypocritically childish generally speaking Handshake implies word registers advice Modern intelligence is artifice Every three steps forward step back twice Deities influence me aloof aligned schism in rhyme Mother Hera ewe chimera godspeed breeds failed design Bell weather brethren splay scapegoat supine Veil of illusions enmesh conscious mind Can't feel my legs good help is hard to find Hawk departs from pleather glove turtle returns grounded dove Counteract abet anyone lapped them twice yet still they won Titans once asked before taking QE With us or against me democracy Issuance debt free usury for ye Soon to be impacting all interested negatively Cyclops blissfully fail to see plague kills with leniency World saved through open window tsunami Backdrops distinct radicle uprooted Restless tartarus not I confuted Reputed gambler prophet of doom rigged mind meld welds my tomb Despondent preach not gloom be democratic or leave cocoon Imploding race exploding time and space Unfathomable depths shallow measures Glasses adorned rose reflective pleasures Erratic compass static attained gains unsustainable Emphatically all ages deal unascertainable Sentiment key to public interest Democracy assess Big apple bests Guiding hand meaning Pantheist behest Seeking one's fulfillment complements of demagoguery Building baseless pyramid in name of Great Recovery Hallucination merits upheaval Remit repreival persecute venal Sufferance from nescience trumps all evil Yon morrows martyr covets this abysmal cross commuted Tread on entrenched fear submit control guiltily included Govern is to rule as meant to intents Resourceful proxy heir establishment Record rallys infer where loans were sent Pristine colosseums reared commerraderie Fed rum bread Dropping said crumbs returns dread Which nevermore nary imbeds Insolvent casino scenario House always wins with my reservation Sharing the bulk ignites indignation Transparency Which critiques subtly speaks Feds peak repent Weak covenants contained slain whence Green peripherals were went Theses Ben delivered on depression Maestro museum managed impression Keynesian intervention harped dystopian opium Appeal to supremacy bandwagon psychology Latin arguementum ad nauseum Better than expected mass approval Refuse discard fantasy removal If you audited our books write off markets on the morrow No one do we answer to where wheelbarrows go we borrow Sciences religious mythology Philosophised finance dichotomy Genetic archetypal entities Conversations incidental informations monumental Facets fawned fastidious selfless attires instrumental Minions mimic Socratic opinions Authority inbred majority Consider selves distinct minority Yield to ye inferiors subjectively superior Mechanisms failing sublimation with interior Greeks conceived benefits in politics Propaganda versed all in rhetoric Dwelled anarchic run redeem autarkic World perceptions inconsistent to obtained views of my own Optimism timeless shown fantastically overblown Fate collapses upon observation Ostriches banked on unexamined lives Perturbations quantum fluctuations Foregone measures austere pleasures enforced authenticity Cessation trepidation ensures no future certainty Whilst known speed and position now in sync One makes ye taller yet none make me shrink Doth not know thyself yore on the brink Fulfillment will not quail forbidden face of foreign dangers Entrainment derailed arranged marriage twixt incomplete strangers Birds of a feather flock with the weather One marked to market worth two under Bush Lemmings allegedly demand a push An existential exercise spins nihilistic nightmares Nonconformed confirmed uncomfort spirals condescending stairs Slaughter abolished pig sucklers now fly Fed up rich bullshit Which lies upon lye Doth need not for lipstick ride we bone dry Left to right wrong motivations paved by best intention Pound me with the cure denounce flesh as impure meets prevention Overdue elixir panacea Gold in led stead transmutes alchemist Fed Spirits confirmed in actions idea Though hungry swine will freely plow fall submissive tow the line No offence is meant whence I commence casting pearls before thine Lead thee to sustenance soon thou shall find You feed a seed of rage contented caged That Which hath been remains yet to be seen One finds upon a wander from yon cave we've left regression Whence without luminescence stem outlandish such obsessions Actualized self's realization Fasting of heart leaves no trace of ego I fell here from Olympus apropos Upshot in authenticity shows secure survivors test Where indiscretions excesses discretely are repressed Desperate knowledge grievous awareness I first blew reed pipes but then I digress Values eroded integrity Climate corroded ideals irresponsibility Satisfied my agency autonomous capacity Bet Dow hath finally had a bad day Bear in mind they will say twas anway Old high still standing gold stones throw away Shorting shooting slope of hope enormous towers treacherous Each new era crashes in increasing half glass emptiness Overabundance deserts time delay Accounts inner morality decay Strength in pessimism fear forfeits right Dusk withdraws from sight as shade is drawn over dawn's early light Narcissistic psychopaths inherited the earth our plight Quarrying light inspired murky night flee Ye gods laugh heartily ridicule me Reckoning another day mine shall be Subsequently I subsist shifting this rock as Sisyphus Future pulls upon me as due ration to minus remiss I'm half crazy bicycle built for two Network circuitry daisy chained to you How do I know what is reel to be true Gather input sensations scrutinize for degradation Dissembling dissemblance as lacking in resemblance Singularity prophesied end be Less threat than icons presently envied Graven is our image in our idol Misunderstood system holds revolutions banked on bridle Give me dominion over doe I care not who makes law Hegellian dialectic shock and awe Fixed moments instability move becomes necessity Moses leads bull rush reeds deceptive swaith Crisis opportunity incompetence seasons good faith Fallow plot begot furlough shrieks foul wraith Yay though I plod through the valley of death Evil gives comfort my rod and my staff No fear preparest for my enemies Parasitic symbiotes surviving vicariously Job gyrations exploitations sloth thrive ubiquitously Unnatural select evolution Bad apple genes rot barrel pollution Big bang extends concussions extrusion Elude intrusion neath tapestry relay inscribed decree Conspiracy theories deliquesced evidence coalesced Duress dressed as justice undue process Reduce the law to writ for oversight Infinitely rules stretch fractally tight Dollar press lever Wizards tweak whence practised Which deceiver Feeding frenzy at the top on last chair hot potato drops Animal farm irrigation believer Cuckoos in nested loops launched retriever Social ecological equity Fauna all created equal although some are more than most Perched aloft nights sleepless roosters backdate options after posts Tell a vision avulsed exclusive boasts Foxes bird box hens fake news oven roasts Occupy Wall Street greeting champagne toasts 5G technology expandable densification Cameras considering Laws actual ramifications Depressions perpetuate FOMO motes FIFO Ponzi scheme boat redeems fresh float Gloat sessions connoted roat smote through goat Destructions need demands feed for Which Fed never hesitates Beyond salvations hope for damnation destined reprobates Wolf in sheep's clothing with diplomacy Bragging best ever broke economy Pre warned of bubble in candidacy Memories impeach me markets relapse collapse candor Black and white deliberations compromise grey matters or Burning empire riddled Nero fiddled No new under the sun any longer What doth not kill my will makes ye stronger Suicidal quarantine commit sheer to absurdity Crash course in urgency suspends to decade Odyssey Engulf journey as is illusory Entailed magical curtailed mystery Reproduced sequence spawns duplicity Great truths infect minds space whilst time distorts fabrics ablation Balanced scales duration dual edged knife grinds calibration Wildlife exhumed landslide menagerie Submission supports popularity War of attrition print press edition Release Kraken abridged dictations unredacted memo Cognitive mind is least informed second thought tis last to know Feedback iterates habitually Zombie apocalyptic shopping spree Animal myriad corroboree Discrepancies adorable approaching deplorable Configured integrations simulate exaggerations Conceptual reorganization New century frail clings frayed to pale past Dot com bust imprints last iconoclast Tragic disposition anchored significance within story Spherical lyrical expository mourning glory Expansion dominates fertility Appropriate most apt utility Bubble envelops errs infinity Bold ignorance advanced hind sights distilled new high arrogance Underlying trauma repeats cycle till addressed complete Sublates convergence becoming congeals Cavernous kingdom stalagmite conceals Peer not in mirror prefer not appeal Sew a thought in hope to reap an action something real to feel Neverland begotten old whilst kid futures are oversold Life lived not lest bits of bites record it Biased suggestions imbue news reported Syrinx sears titans with my brand of creed Written word ceded all forgotten need to practise recall Calculated math skills lost computer brought thoughts holocost Ensconced by lantern hung from beam of straw Helios heals blow of iced ages thaw Loyal to natural attributes raw Extraordinary delusional madness of ye crowds Trot proudly upon road to serfdom congregations praised aloud Brave was this new world before eighty four Hunger games in store jaybird tweets that score Jehovah bore witnesses door to door Insure myself against four horseman paid my tithe expired spent Sow ears flying high on credit barely do I afford rent Time unwinds quickly at least doth for me April showers levee spring bankruptcy Litres live forever in latency Bailing water steady rising deep subterraneously Foresee floods invest in arks of financial calamity Extraneously Rome's blaze radiates Simultaneously Fed Witches toiled Slow perniciously satiates frogs boiled Crisis constructs messenger of sordid too tongued character Stocks which rise so should slide chosen goose footing egg opposed side Federal innovates imbibed bribed state Reserves umpire status hunched hind home plate Falling knife of fear impaled atmosphere Short bets squeezed rife barren years unfruitful bleeds contango wine Inverse ETFs unprecedented reverse splits declined Nothing it's equal creature without fear Can't fill hide with harpoons or head with spears Mire strive dire try pull in Leviathan Endless procrastination doth avert intent deflation Unclear when routes passage appears clear as destination Sorrows station seems my inculcation Divides built up babble between nations Seven trumpets summon revelation Electrostatic circumstance transmits catalytic twist Substitute reacted chemical transmits platonic tryst Ironically passion not my goal Ionically bonded blending coal Mirrored dipole roll poised down rabbit hole Experiment first ever repeats Laws defraud endeavor Mississippi reflating dollar debt exchange creating Wealth effect transfers helicopter drop Fracking reserves crack too big to stop Ineptitude or evilly adept Calm filled the room as elephants silently drowned in tar pits History Which hails tense whence Fed injections flew to market Lucrative house flipping stained soil carpet Real reign swamp purge comes to street again Broken window theory frisk fallacy Destructions need graciates feed for Which Fed never hesitates Seven headed hydra twixt blaspheming regime duplicates Purgatory epic allegory Apathy lacks worry for avoidance Dreams annoyance recurring clairvoyance Complacent consternation burns concerned capitulation Catacomb further catenates future pyroclastic blasts Install a new partition date saved last God creates man's imaged eternity Man made device for immortality Only way to beat life be articulate as dead machine Foiling might be finding wanting nothing just as pleasing Emoted thoughts and deeds confer disease Viral joy contained anxious unease Communicable known uncertainties Mention stoic abstention receive lepers reprehension Addend subconscious attention suchness sought destination Protectionist tribal groupthink ensues Misdirect blame profane color thou choose Divide and conquer plan by Jove we use Minting for a living tis nothing short of scintillating Weaponry mass produce we entropy disintegrating Rebirth essential in this finite trap Technicals crucial analysis map Impulse mined collective wiretapped caps Souls endless extrapolating each threshold encapsulating Mutually affecting Titans ever overreaching Battles march business no fight beseeching Cyanide reaction gold is leaching Settle for distraction Athene’s teaching Shares fabricate infrastructure bonds for manufactured war Master in ways of deception weaving fleece her predilection Declined vine illustrates interjection Fundamentally ye add furthermore Whole vacuus nature I find abhor Each new day opportune to go by street sideshow pundits shout Marginally most will comply seek aggressive salesman clout Run through stampede proceed in funnel out Mosaic tile code mixed mirage mud grout Worm abated hook ate some fat cat’s trout Informed when glad relate when mad great is not the worst we've had Next quarter rates Which inflates translates to direct tabled fate Disinformation chads dangling depart Troublesome travel when horse pushes cart Trojans craft driftwood regifted as art Taken rate decision interest always is a given Approached encroachment infringements lunged impingement I expunged Spell manifests as living hell digests Calcareous sponge absorbed rimstone plunge Cookbook to serve lamb seals underhand Sinter sauntered asunder plotting pillage of my plunder Attack technique intervenes quoth slighted victim claims obscene Cried mystified feeling such waste sprayed mace Save face retrace find safety inside shrouded space Access filter modified denied trash storage verified Angels four spew brimstone fire scorched ingress half expected less Trick talk turns back clock players profiles rotate roles resume Covertly campaigned defiling my name Creations Instigate destruction Erupts surreptitious instruction Bewildered heard shocked embrace loomed Gates of Hell gauge WHO won race Military missionary hold prostrate to vaccinate Chaotic Kronos ordered time consumed Stow stoked fumes subsidies gave the gods room Whilst land of the fraud is home to the knave Babylon of living nonexistent through the golden age Cassandra of this stage ilk ignores inklings of alarmed sage Chicken little forebodes sky is falling Rope a dope fades rationalisation Brittle doth be fragile ye recalling Loquacious news needs slews feigned of disambiguation Mendacious or fallacious contagious be implications Butterfly flapped wing doth not move a thing But a gnat perhaps who's too GAD to fly Financing is how but where is the why Important that all patriots patronize conquesting troops Dodge ye head stoop as pooping eagle swoops Most dismissive uninspired missive Perceptually far too derisive Guiding hand not apparent visual Missing cash flows continual residual bottom lines Pinnochio hopes to know Which ideal conjures growth sublime Dendrites potentially stimulate spine Titanic torrents mist venetian blinds Decidedly distort bilked disincline Writhe in through chasm in awe open wide Formless figures summon uniform pride Dismiss discontent conveyors subside Tributaries dispersed springs knowledge trees freeze molten ore Splintering sparks displaced thick dark coruscate tangible floor Cumulus clouds of primordial dust Question our senses in sun god we trust Sifted silts produce thunderbolts of Zeus Oval elliptical orbits the folds tidal tendency Blue sphere girds spoken word breathed clay Boulder Forge Company Quality moulding is job number one Caste mass producing consumes many sons My duty to ensure we always run Figured would be a piece of cake more at work than give and take Thought this would be my big break but not knowing literally Apprenticed construction now I maintain Composite skill same commissioning game Swim or wallow in Uranus disdain I made the trade not for reward nor deemed security Only gospel guarantee is confidence in mastery Tasked to sit in a chair contemplate stare Crosswords in wait for a breakdown repair I study craves of machines which behave Rhythmic clang links chain react percussional power set free Insatiable harmony piques morbid curiosity Beast belly bowel bubbles belch smelt death To quota of product do I owe breath Economic cauldron of corrosion We operate Vesuvius ungodly hours breathing brine Facilitate yon amplidyne oxygenate lavas shine Steering eather into three cyclops cells Myopically they motion for me when cycles in chaos my sirens knell Lion hearted as Hephaestus take knee before crucibles hearth Examine vitals symptoms prognosis deduce further impart Volt amps transcend times root of three powers Frequently electrons ebb in order Arc bath gives rise to hot molten showers May bring flowers demonstrate my will in accord rewards her Athena is truth incarnate dream she is a movement Immaculate perfection possessed no need for improvement in her coveralls Wert she to eaten apple I befall Sand disseminates beneath hourglass curves she manipulates How could I anticipate Rapt hints had she to intimate Roots hypotenuse squares summed pendulum Enlightened visions profound pit this plum On que she hooks her thunderbolts so ample in restriction Destabilized my volts despite my amping up conviction Magnetisms repulsive attraction Bipolar feedback generates action Machining floral dissatisfaction Narcissus is spring can't this robot tool be taught anything Recommence imaging thine vault undermined after fault Intuit as her nuclear annihilates tumult June accusations forced violation Vulnerable to invalidation Confrontations repudiation consents allegation Placate June”s wells breached swell fore July conflagration Use wu wei to vacate situation But weightless behemoth ate all greenbacks Can’t manage exit not even a crack Inward forays shunned malfunction unknown overgrown morass Cult of quantity all students get a pass coach seat class God’s walled over all access to egress Those who cannot do are experts at best Past practise succeeds failures teach what needs Viridescent pools dilate grey eyed dubious stressed madness Feeling she was slighted by my passage through her nucleus Disinterested I had disinterred Down period Kondratieff winter Intrinsic tragedy all fairy tales end inherently Gave me what I wished for in a way I was not hoping for Destiny permits paths forbade How shallow wilt thou will wade PCB cesspools black bile pitches glue Smoldering sand dune trenches shore magmas excess residue Admit this time smashing cymbals whilst cyclops wert drumming too Keep the fantasy alive in my head Earthquake take other route instead Always say they never saw it coming They did In Herculaneum still their brains steamed in their skulls Summer solstice solace lulls lava ladles plentiful Cumulative studies validations Inseminate process degradation Trying not to mention my invention Bending toward normalcy absorption emits diffraction Inverted perceptions withdraw inflections from emptiness Perplexing she rejects ram intellect Anecdotal evidence cached respect Zip plans to stockpile cognizance combined Designed secret punishment to circumvent I resigned Recollect for instance cognitive lessons in dissonance Logic accepts one view perceived of two Pit of mine stomach whence knot always knew Treasonous betrayed lion taming shrew Spite cleaved interface continued dutiful onward pace Humiliations goal wert to replace cheers with disgrace Orchestrations untold meticulous Malevolence is still in existence Narrative streams unfold conspicuous Childish bliss unscrupulous epidemic Narcissus Invasive species multiplied since Zeus supplied his sun’s abyss Affect change rather than effect ere cause Gaslight obfuscates reasonable laws Tall tales half truths edged lies by omission Unwary reprehense motive intents of recognition Splitting of the faculty augments a new reality Fight freeze or flee options only three Trials choose middle choice typically Stockholm syndrome captors figured friendlies Volunteer for brunt of blame acquiesced toxic shame domain Raging stirs steroid cortisol adrenaline cocktail brain Idealize devalue sudden discard Benevolent dictatorship abstained Without the faintest regret or regard Figured she was playing me but never thought she'd try so hard Had a little influence pummeling blacksmith into bard Feeling flashback symptoms PTSD Reflux acid regurgitates anxiously Facilities shut down my apogee Estranged entanglement is indiscriminate vicinity Projection deflects inspection detects proffered rejection Upon reflection I/O failed connection Reverse detail switched doppler direction Attacked mine tranquility enacted thine stability Great relationships determined by good portability Amor Fati defeat of agony Heroic transitions affirmation Chinks of crevasse evasive to bypass Labyrinth strings web of deceit light and dark unlikely meet Shadows reconnection Schadenfreude revels surrection Maze ambled afore trapped in Minotaur Disintegrating reintegration Unfurled divest individuation Emergence of self under siege August surfacing intrigues Sun god aims retribution penetrating air dilution Perpetrating vengeful execution Cyclop's blindsided coming attraction Apollo's exaction vents extraction Redress reclaimed door discharged from mine chore Concussions cavitations roar gaff retrieved my staff from shore Gangplank fastened transit for deck from wreck Embodied under mass gravitation Nothingness consistent contradiction In retrospect ahead investigate that Which is suspect Chastened flaming embers titillate orange September moon Hastened retreat not an instant too soon Burgeoning three wave prosperity shewn Wave five trait mimics Echo past monsoon Perpetually parallel dramas punctual insane Aphrodite's inception purged migraine foam seethed fire in vain Twain hath liquidity trickled down drain Consult oracle ogle tangent plane Bow to stern brood tempestuous coxswain Demurrage fee aptly sought to regain lay of way terrain Masked my gnashing lion waves stumble as they spread before me Mountain rubble crumbles bloodied red sea Locusts cannibalistic commotion Uncanny notion overt devotion Fixed betwixt twin scorpions stings subtle by a hares degree One longs to age as seas submit one hole subliminally Desire loves desire more than that desired Overtime I find wanting displeasing Fuel to fire Aphrodite’s teasing Symptomatically nymphomaniac releasing Random cosmos berth patterned beyond cyclic perimeter Doth not feel momentum ye be the tide Volume reduced ambient limiter Futile to resist flow fatal to ride Impressed by the strung rope ladder of unquestioned good status Doctors orders therapeutic regressive Hedonism Bureaucracy forced parentalism Founding fathers Titan nepotism The health preventative catechism Give only to take away to give again another day Rewards gods some token compensation Anyone here not get paid besides me Red light starboard wax eared crew rendezvous Bounded by my sacrifice to irresponsibility None of the other prize winning players gamble here but me Battened down fear gauge groups psychopathy Ever since world went into bankruptcy Call for Panic Zeus black masked his swan song Yarn for youthful innocence gone stick slip traction moves this throng Tread borderline separating time providing till from when Uneven Titans tip unbalanced ships Dualities tune unity in trine One thing I did learn when within confine Whom hath desire for nothing believes doth not need anything Misinterpretation required missing zero still a thing Axons bemoan sequence of no return Feeling slight injustice step forward commandeer ambition Venus akin to mine headache just better known rendition Under spotlight favorite position Internally propelled by externals Take this Autumnal equinox swear on the cross tis vernal All the gods explicitly sing chants how lucky I must be Bring Mordor back to toss this precious ring Prospect she fertilized inferring seed Open union upon Which we agreed Karma conflates heavens gates contrived in Pandemonium Green shoots elate consummate concerns inspire Pavlovian Theories cosigned conspiracies maligned Impermanence ineffably refined Ignorance binds energy disinclined Universal conception pride of self love contraception Trying to be pliable but find it reprehensible All dispensable Great Complacent Sea Sizing words wisely rids ostensible Lies the only guise now found comprehensible Prophylactic allude to didactic Though whilst I work at chore she’s Ares whore I snagged them embarrassingly naked afore gods before Yellen Helen neither nor wert worth war Bowl of wrath judgement ignored poor decor Titans empathizing with swimming clothes In her throws she extolled excitement being extra exposed Far be it from she to assume joint responsibility Exponential debt credits game theory On that we agree tis rigged currency Opportunistic imperialists Propaganda grasshoppers enlist ants backbone socialist Can't remember when gathered last had a say any matter Other nations forfeit right to do it Export of inflation needs conduit Concert donates borders New World Order Blockchain came about when drunk bartender could not reach the spout Yahweh will control all money now they have it figured out Waiting for my minute to be clever Stamp my name on the gods minds forever My switchblade really needs to cut them off No clue what the gods know only that they need to run the show Narcissistic parasites charisma lands entitlement Vampires nourish roots to stunt encouragement Protocol enticing invitation Condemnation staged cooperation Intolerable acts left no coercive tea leaves intact Coven of bag passing Witches gave chase across red waters Need another nine stitches sons twixt daughters Waiting in the balance moment of force Hatch guillotine MRI triggered source Soaked up dripped Wyrmwood postulated solvent tasted good Full equilibrium half ballast set assail for malice Octobers placid benign chilled chalice Brain scan photocell senses light all is well If instead bulb shows dead off with thee head Also as a godsend bonus honed mom’s splendid jury throne Captive chaperone audience fettered judgement chains inlaid Skipping to a Witch hunt after masquerade Topside upper deck on the promenade Propellor fashion later ohm made blade Behooved turtle jail sac tail flailed back satyromaniac Passionate parade personifying Nature of tirade Horney gimp hind quarters brace graced limp Llama spitting image of Obama Clinton's dole out cigars contribute scars All guests in attendance dressed as promised change we forget lest Salubrious familiar strangers grooving Harvey Danger Politically free redundancy Reagan closed asylums threw away key Identity hath no cost found when lost Consolidations vibrate quantized sinusoidal noise Pullback hull triangulate alow by my device and Echo Feel lonely frost amongst the other masks Survival is appeasing to their tasks Remember November elect Semper Meaning faithful to all members not just only archaic On the way to office run your head through photovoltaic Vanishing quickly old liquidity Seven plagues capsized immortality The line hath paid out to the bitter end Too big to sail exhale replications glorification Night zeniths elevation nadirs sun's regeneration
I made a list of every crime committed in The Office and it only took seven months
Below I’ve listed every law that was broken in The Office (from destruction of property and battery to homicide and kidnapping) whether legal action was taken or not, as well as ideas that people had that were illegal; I’m not a legal expert, I just have a lot of much free time (I labeled the episodes the same way that Netflix does.) S1E3: Dwight claims that multiple people in the office forged medical forms for their health insurance plans S1E6: Michael claims that Dunder Mifflin employees in the 80’s constantly used cocaine S2E1: Pam, Kelly, and Phyllis reveal that there is something written on the women’s bathroom wall, later Pam reveals to Jim that she was the one who wrote it; people throw food at Michael (would fall under battery) S2E2: Packer reveals that he’s been convicted of a DUI S2E3: Dwight reveals that sometimes teenagers use his farm for sex (depending on their ages, this may be illegal as the Pennsylvania age of consent is sixteen) S2E6: Dwight punches Michael in the stomach twice with considerable force (Michael does bait him into doing it though) S2E8: Jim punctures a hole in Dwight’s “fitness orb” with a pair of scissors; it is implied that a former accountant killed himself; Dwight reveals that he made a copy of Michael’s key to the office S2E10: Meredith flashes Michael in his office S2E11: Michael tells everyone on the cruise that the ship is sinking when there’s no danger (creating a false panic is illegal in most cases) S2E12: Dwight crashes his car into a telephone pole outside of the office and leaves his bumper in the street S2E14: Michael says that Packer once held a man’s head into a toilet; it is also implied that Packer was the one who defecated in Michael’s office S2E15: Michael causes lots of damage in the warehouse by improperly using the lift (he also doesn’t have a license to operate it) S2E16: Michael jaywalks (technically illegal though typically not enforced); Michael comments that someone was pooping in a cardboard box in the subway S2E17: Dwight tackles Ryan, Creed, and Stanley to the ground S2E19: Michael finds out that he’s involved in a pyramid scheme S2E20: Dwight finds a joint in the parking lot (Pennsylvania didn’t make steps to decriminalize marijuana until 2014); Michael believes he unknowingly smoked marijuana at a concert; Dwight gives Michael some of his urine so that he can pass a drug test S2E21: Creed faces sideways after his company photo is taken, implying that he’s been arrested in the past S2E22: Creed steals casino chips and also admits to stealing things all of the time; Dwight kisses Angela and she hits him in response (though it seems like both parties were okay with the outcome) S3E1: Roy reveals that he was arrested for drunk driving S3E4: Creed reveals that the reason Ed Truck got decapitated was because he was driving drunk (though this was never confirmed and Creed tends to lie); the bird funeral is lit on fire (probably illegal as they did not have a permit and it was mainly paper and not wood) S3E5: Ryan and Dwight egg the front of Axelrod Ltd’s building S3E6: Jim rides his bike drunk (believe it or not, this is actually illegal) S3E7: Creed sells office equipment S3E8: Andy steals a computer from the Stamford office; after poking holes in everyone’s tires, Michael claims it was Vance Refrigeration workers that did it S3E9: It is revealed that Martin went to jail for insider trading; Kevin admits that insider trading sounds a lot like what he does as well S3E10: Creed removes a present from the charity box (removing uncollected items from charity drives is theft); Pam reveals that she has been sending fake letters from the CIA to Dwight, Jim later gets involved (illegal to pass yourself off as a CIA agent) S3E13: Andy punches a hole through the wall S3E16: Michael reveals that his eighth grade teacher hooked up with at least thirteen students; Dwight reveals that he hunted a werewolf as a child, but it’s more likely that he killed his neighbor’s dog; Dwight traps a bat in a bag over Meredith’s head S3E17: Creed reveals that he has a side business where he makes fake IDs for teens; Creed also reveals that he stole a laminating machine from the sheriff’s station; Dwight accidentally damages David’s roof while inspecting the chimney; Roy and his brother destroy multiple objects in a bar including a mirror, a chair, and multiple glasses (Roy’s brother later reveals that he paid off the bar owner to not call the cops on them) S3E18: Roy attempts to assault Jim in the office after finding out he kissed Pam; Dwight uses pepper spray on Roy when he attempts to assault Jim (this was done defense of Jim however); Jim reveals that Dwight has weapons such as nunchucks and throwing stars hidden in the office; Dwight uses pepper spray against Andy; Dwight is found to have more weapons hidden in his desk such as brass knuckles, a police baton, and a taser S3E19: Darryl reveals that Michael once kicked a ladder out from under him and caused him to break his ankle; Michael accidentally smashes a watermelon on the roof of someone’s car; Michael tries to convince the office that he’s going to commit suicide S3E20: A former Dunder Mifflin employee from the paper mill put a watermark of two cartoon animals having sex on about five-hundred boxes-worth of paper; Creed frames Debbie Brown from the paper mill for not catching the watermark on the paper, which results in her termination; it was revealed that Andy was unknowingly dating a high schooler (only illegal if they had sexual contact); Andy reveals that he and his high school girlfriend knocked over a mailbox with her friends S3E21: Phyllis claims that she was flashed by a man in the parking lot; when Jim calls the police to report the flasher, he says that the police have already gotten three calls; Creed implies that he has flashed people in the past; Jan offers Michael money in return for him driving to New York and having sex (it is illegal to accept or pay money for sex, even if the other person is not a prostitute); Meredith throws her trash out of her car window onto the street while also driving recklessly; while parking her car, Meredith scrapes another car; Creed reveals that he uses the women’s bathroom for bowel movements and has “paid dearly” for it in the past; Dwight and Andy put up barbed wire on the parking lot fence of the office (using barbed wire is typically illegal if the fence is adjacent to a public street) S3E22: Michael lights a bonfire on the beach (he likely did not have a fire permit) S3E23: Jim and Karen sneak into a theater to see the second half of Spamalot (would technically burglary, believe it or not, since they snuck in with the intent of stealing services); Jan claims that the reason she is being fired from Dunder Mifflin is because of her breast implants (though David says it is because of her work ethic) S4E1: Michael hits Meredith with his car and fractures her pelvis; Dwight attempts to mercy kill Angela’s cat by trapping it in her freezer S4E2: Michael claims that when he was a child, he had a foreign exchange student living with him that stole all of his blue jeans when he went back to his home country; Kelly tells Ryan that she is pregnant with his child in an attempt to get him to go on a date with her (this could fall under intentional infliction of emotional distress) S4E3: Michael and Dwight detain the pizza deliveryman in the office conference room; Dwight reveals that the pizza deliveryman steals hemp from his farm; Andy reveals that he stole the ice sculpture he brought to the party; Michael and Dwight steal a tray of sushi and some accessories from a restaurant S4E4: Dwight admits that the permits on the bed and breakfast side of Schrute Farms are still pending even though he is actively taking customers; Creed reveals that he has a second identity that he transfers his debt to; Michael and Jan are likely trespassing while they are sitting on the stationed train S4E6: Dwight attempts to create molotov cocktails to throw in the Utica office; Michael drives recklessly on the highway; while stealing the Utica branch’s industrial copier, Michael and Dwight break it; Dwight reveals more weapons that he has in the office, including a pack of knives, a pair of sai, a sword, and a blowdart (having these weapons in the open is not illegal, but concealing them is) S4E8: Michael purgers himself during Jan’s deposition S4E9: Jan throws a Dundie at Michael’s TV and breaks it S4E10: It is revealed that the model from Micahel’s chair catalog died in a car accident (Dwight says that she was stoned at the time and crashed into the side of an airplane hanger) S4E11: Ryan states that the Dunder Mifflin website was infiltrated by sexual predators (only illegal if they used it to transmit child pornography or arrange meetings with minors with the intent of sexual contact); it is heavily implied that Ryan and his friend Troy are under the influence of cocaine S4E12: Michael places his face in wet cement outside of the office (would be considered destruction of property) S4E13: Andy drives a golf cart recklessly and ends up destroying its roof (and potentially the cart as well) S4E14: Jim sets up Dwight’s cell and work phones to go to his Bluetooth and pretends to be him when clients call (could fall under criminal impersonation); Ryan commits fraud by having people re-record sales and is arrested for it; Dwight, Meredith, and Mose release a raccoon into Holly’s car (only illegal if it does damage to her car) S5E1: Phyllis blackmails Angela by threatening to reveal Angela and Dwight’s affair unless she lets Phyllis run the Party Planning Committee S5E3: Kelly reveals that she downloads pirated music onto her work computer, to which Michael responds, “who hasn’t”; Meredith reveals that she’s been sleeping with a supplier in exchange for discounts on supplies and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates (could fall under the scope of prostitution); Michael threatens to kill everyone if they don’t go to the conference room S5E4: Dwight tries to destroy Jan’s $1,200 stroller S5E5: The office is robbed after Michael and Holly forget to lock the office’s front door; Creed implies that he made the last person who stole from him disappear, and that he stole the identity Creed Bratton from them S5E7: Kelly falsifies customer surveys regarding Jim and Dwight S5E9: Michael attempts to purchase marijuana from two Vance Refrigeration workers, and they trick him into buying a salad in a bag rather than drugs (intent to purchase illegal drugs is illegal, and so is selling counterfeit drugs); Michael and Dwight attempt to frame Toby with drug trafficking and possession of marijuana; when the cops arrive, Creed becomes incredibly worried that he’ll be arrested, implying that he either has drugs in the office, or is a drug dealer S5E10: Dwight tricks Angela into marrying him (this would be considered fraudulently inducing someone into marriage) S5E11: Creed is seen smoking out of a pipe likely containing kif, which has cannabis in it; Creed says that he can get fire permits very quickly, implying that they are possibly fake; Michael forces Meredith into going to a rehab facility (technically falls under the definition of kidnapping) S5E12: Jim uncovers more weapons that Dwight has hidden throughout the office; Andy pins Dwight against a fence with his car, Dwight dents Andy’s car S5E13: Jim connects a red wire to Dwight’s computer which leads outside to the top of the power pole (would qualify as vandalism to the pole); Michael and Dwight attempt to learn information about a competitor under the guise of a potential customer and potential employee (could be considered corporate espionage, but I couldn’t find any specifics) S5E14: Dwight induces panic law by simulating a fire in the office, he additionally damages multiple doors and cuts the phone wires; during the fire drill, multiple office employees damage items in the office including ceiling tiles, the copier machine, and the vending machine; Dwight reveals that he is planning a bomb scare; Dwight is shown to have a hunting knife strapped to his ankle, and he uses this knife to cut apart the CPR dummy (though corporate payed for the damages to the dummy); Andy, Jim, and Pam watch a pirated film S5E15: Dwight buys cookies from Toby in exchange for him signing a form (quid pro quo on this is illegal); Dwight attempts to have his coworkers sign his form under the guise of it being a sign-in sheet; Michael throws full slices of bread on the ground to feed pigeons (it was winter and there were no birds, so this could be considered littering) S5E16: Jim cuts the cord that connects Michael’s phone to the office’s PA system; Dwight finds out that Kelly went to juvenile detention when she was younger; Creed gives Jim a $3 bill (counterfeit money is illegal) S5E17: Creed says he knows where to buy a kid for $7,000; it’s revealed that the reason Kelly was in juvenile detention was because she stole her boyfriend’s father’s boat; Michael cuts off a sleeve from Holly’s sweater; Michael also takes a file off of Holly’s computer (would be classified as unauthorized computer access) S5E18: Phyllis and Bob have sex in a restaurant bathroom (this is technically public sex which is a misdemeanor); Creed steals a bag of blood from the blood drive S5E19: Dwight slaps Michael; Jim slaps Dwight S5E20: Dwight pretends to have kidnapped David’s son S5E21: Michael sneaks back into the office after being asked to leave (technically trespassing as it is private property and he was escorted out of the building) S5E22: Michael breaks his condominium agreement by having the Michael Scott Paper Company located within his condo (though the owner only sent a warning that he needed to stop); Ryan steals three pairs of bowling shoes before he quits the bowling alley; Michael asks Billy to sell him a ‘secret office space’ off of the books within the Scranton Business Park S5E23: Dwight claims that a woman named Haddie McGonagle was murdered in the Dunder Mifflin office space in 1816 (though he probably made this up) S5E24: Dwight steals supplies and files from the Michael Scott Paper Company’s office S5E26: While fixing her dress, Meredith accidentally reveals one of her breasts, as well as her crotch and her backside (was accidental, but could be considered public indecency) S5E27: Dwight cuts open the back of Phyllis’ blouse so he can give her a massage; Creed reveals that he doesn’t have any mirrors in his car that let him see behind the car (in Pennsylvania, it is illegal to drive without at least one mirror that lets you see behind the car) S5E28: Dwight’s friend Rolph once inquired about shoes that increased speed and didn’t leave any tracks, implying that he was going to commit a crime S6E1: Stanley wrecks Michael’s car with a tire iron S6E2: Dwight and Toby accidentally crash into a few trash cans outside Darryl’s house; Dwight uncovers that the real cause of Darryl’s injury was from misuse of company equipment S6E4: Michael ties full beer cans to the back of his car which left debris all over the road; Dwight implies that Mose is going to be castrating horses (only legal if Mose has a veterinary license, which is unlikely); Dwight also claims that he has a device which can make hamburgers out of horse meat without killing the horse (likely animal cruelty) S6E5: The Niagara Falls hotel staff incinerated Kevin’s shoes (they claim they did it because it was a safety issue); Dwight gifts a turtle to Jim and Pam for their wedding and appears to not have made any holes in the box (likely animal cruelty); Dwight accidentally kicks Isabel in the face while dancing S6E6: While answering Jim’s phone, Kevin pretends to be Jim and accidentally cancels his credit cards S6E7: Dwight secretly records the conversations in Jim’s office (Pennsylvania has a two-party consent law which means that all parties in the conversations must consent to being recorded); Andy talks about a 60 Minutes segment that went into working conditions of a paper mill in Peru (the 60 Minutes segment likely went into illegal conditions within the mill) S6E8: Meredith reveals that she has had sex with a known terrorist; while writing down things that people don’t want to be made fun of for, Creed says that if he writes his down, he cannot be charged for it; a custodian reveals that when Michael fell into the koi pond, he accidentally killed one of the fish S6E9: Ryan shows Erin a topless photo of Kelly in the office (could be considered indecent exposure since it was in a public space within the office); Creed implies that a shipping order was never supposed to reach it’s location, possibly indicating that he stole a shipment S6E10: Creed flees the office when Michael tells him that there was a murder and that he was a suspect, implying that he may be involved in a murder S6E12: Dwight secretly records a phone call between Jim and David S6E13: As part of Secret Santa, Andy gives Erin the Twelve Days of Christmas, inadvertently resulting in physical injury to her and potentially her home and car; Creed implies that he’s done “evil” things; Michael says that he has often claimed to be David’s childrens’ pediatrician to get him on the phone S6E16: Andy accidentally gives Meredith a large paper cut on her throat; Ryan implies to Dwight that they should torture Jim S6E17: While escorting Jim and Pam to the hospital, Dwight puts a police light on the top of his car; Michael uses his phone to text and make a call while driving; when being pulled over, Dwight throws multiple large weapons out his window; Michael parks in an ambulance-only parking spot S6E18: Dwight breaks a window to enter Jim and Pam’s home; after breaking in, Dwight discovers mold in their home and destroys walls and cabinets with a crew of workers so he can refurbish their kitchen; Jim comments that he had five parking tickets on his windshield S6E20: Creed tries to act casual when Michael announces that the lost and found has gone missing, implying he may have stolen it; Andy aggressively tries to take a pen from Darryl (could be considered battery); Dwight strangles Kevin in an attempt to get information from him; Michael and Dwight, and then later Andy and Erin, walk around the Scranton dump (would be considered trespassing); Michael and Dwight throw large pieces of garbage at each other; Michael and Dwight take two chairs from the dump S6E21: Phyllis claims she likes getting men to flirt with her so that Bob will beat them up; Michael accidentally damages multiple objects while being reckless at the bar; Dwight breaks his contract with Angela (unsure as to whether a lawyer was involved with the first contract, but Angela served Dwight with a summons for breaking it, leading me to believe it was legitimate); Hide admits that he killed a Yakuza boss on purpose and then came to America illegally S6E22: Meredith steals and uses Pam’s breast pump S6E24: Michael hires Dwight to follow Donna around to see if she’s cheating on him (following someone isn’t illega, but it could be considered stalking or harassment); Creed implies that he’s committed crimes for low levels of reward; Michael says he’s going to kill the guy who’s kissing Donna in her Facebook photo (though he immediately takes it back) S6E25: Michael keeps throwing out radon kits that Toby put around the office; Michael once again claims that he would kill Toby; Dwight claims that his money is buried underneath someone (though we don’t know if this is a grave or a buried corpse); Dwight and Angela’s lawyer comments that their sex contract is dangerously close to prostitution and illegal S7E1: Dwight tears the head off of Phyllis’ teddy bear and pulls a knife on Jim; Meredith breaks into Michael’s nephew’s car; Michael spanks his nephew S7E2: Dwight attempts to open a daycare center that is absolutely not up to safety codes; Toby allows Michael to forge his counseling paperwork S7E4: Dwight is shown attempting to pick up what would appear to be illegal immigrants for day labour and then instead of paying them, has Mose pretend to be an INS agent, kidnaps the workers, and then drops them off in Harrisburg; Holly claims that multiple people died in a traffic accident (though it’s incredibly likely that she was kidding); Michael takes an incredibly quick turn without his turn signal on S7E5: Michael, Dwight, and Jim secretly watch Danny’s meeting with Meredith through hidden cameras (only illegal if they are recording the footage) S7E7: Angela steals all of the scones from Cece’s christening (though they were for public consumption so it probably wouldn’t constitute as theft) S7E8: The Scranton Strangler leads police on a high speed pursuit; Michael tells Pam that he has a loaded gun hidden in his desk at the office; Michael cuts the cable going to Gabe’s apartment S7E10: Erin floats the idea of hiring a new employee, killing them, and then cashing in on the life insurance policy; Dwight and Phyllis float the idea of bombing China; Pam accuses Dwight of breaking property code laws S7E11: Dwight and Jim keep throwing snowballs at each other with force, and some that contained pebbles (snowball fights themselves aren’t illegal, but it’s illegal in most places to throw objects which could be considered missiles, and Jim is also shown with what appears to be blood on his clothes afterwards); Dwight asks Toby is he’s on the jury for the middle school teacher who tried to turn a foreign exchange student into a sex slave; Meredith asks Toby if it’s the case with the postman who rubbed his genitals on deliveries; Michael throws out supplies and food meant for the Christmas party; Dwight is shown dragging the Christmas tree out of the office to throw it out; one of the snowballs that Jim lobs at Dwight breaks a window; Michael throws Holly’s Woody doll into the trash and pours coffee on it S7E12: Jim stabs a few snowmen with his umbrella hoping that Dwight is hiding in one of them S7E13: Michael claims that regardless if Holly gets engaged or not, he will probably either attack people in rage or burn the building down in happiness S7E15: Michael leaves without paying at the Chinese restaurant; Creed is also listed on the wall of diners who did not pay for their meal S7E17: Michael most likely did not have permits to film in some of the locations featured in Threat Level Midnight; multiple characters in Michael’s film are seen using guns (you do not need a permit to have a gun in your home or business place in Pennsylvania, but multiple characters concealed their weapons during the film, though the guns are likely fake); a mannequin of Toby is blown up during Michael’s film (depending on the type of explosive used, certification may be required); during the hockey scene of the film, Michael comments that it was filmed during an actual Scranton High hockey game (could be seen as defiant trespassing and/or disorderly conduct) S7E18: Packer humps Michael and Dwight while they’re underneath a desk; Dwight throws away Holly’s zen garden; Dwight offers Packer a hot chocolate laced with many laxatives (depending on the amount, it could be considered assault or even homicide since extreme dehydration could kill someone); Andy purposely does damage to his computer’s keyboard and hard drive; Andy and Pam slightly damage Andy’s new computer; Jim and Dwight pretend to be Sabre employees and tell Packer he can jump the gate at Jo’s house S7E19: Ryan uses Phyllis and Oscar’s faces on his mom’s pesto and salsa recipes (would fall under right of publicity laws); Ryan adds a Kosher certification onto his mom’s pesto recipe (against FDA regulations); Michael pours gasoline all over the parking lot; Michael wants to steal a corpse from a medical school to use in his proposal to Holly S7E20: Michael eggs Toby’s house; Kevin colors on a restaurant tablecloth with crayons; Ryan admits to have done drugs in the past S7E21: Gabe confronts Andy and threatens him to stay away from Erin (could be considered criminal threatening); Deangelo claims that he caught the person who stole one of Jo’s dogs S7E24: Dwight accidentally fires his gun through the floor; Meredith claims that during the shooting she lost her necklace, a ring, and a painting and will be reporting it to the insurance company; Ryan claims that Dwight’s accident felt like an act of terrorism; Pam claims that Dwight has hidden more weapons in the office S7E25: Creed parks his car in the middle of the parking lot S7E26: Dwight admits that he would have created a fake identity for his character of Jacques Souvenier if Jo had hired him as manager S8E1: Dwight uses a fire extinguisher to knock Meredith off of the top of a bathroom stall, drops a ream of paper on a warehouse employee’s head to get him off a table, and flips a table over to get Toby off of it; Dwight throws Jim’s phone against the wall with force and a shatter is heard; Dwight instigates a fight between nearly everyone in the office S8E2: Andy says he will streak across the parking lot if the office accrues enough points S8E3: Dwight pours his drink on the inside of someone’s car; Oscar smashes the car’s window and brake light with a crowbar; Dwight drives the baler through the warehouse wall; Erin and Kevin spread grease all over the warehouse floor; Dwight, Jim, Erin, and Kevin damage multiple boxes of paper S8E4: Dunder Mifflin billboards across town are shown to be vandalized; Mose crashes Toby’s car into a corn field; Mose very tightly lines up everyone’s cars so that he can run across the roofs (he likely made scratches and dents while planning and executing this plan) S8E5: Dwight is shown to have brought many weapons into the office in the past as part of Halloween costumes and threatened to kill Toby with them (though the weapons were never concealed and Toby usually confiscated them before he entered the office S8E6: Oscar stated in an email that he believes that Robert has strangled at least one stripper; Kelly states in an email that they should kill Robert; Dwight’s accountability booster is dangerously close to a form of blackmail; Gabe says that he is going to go to a cemetery and drink (it’s actually illegal to drink in most cemeteries); Pam stops Kevin from hitting Dwight over the head with a frying pan; Jim takes Robert’s phone and attempts to deletes an email (technically illegal to use someone’s phone without their permission) S8E7: Dwight repeatedly grabs Jim’s crotch S8E8: A Civil War informational video reveals that the soldiers from Schrute Farm were soldiers that went AWOL S8E9: When Dwight suggests that everyone in the office is in a suicide cult, Creed strongly denies it, implying that he probably is in one; Jim leaves his car running and unattended in the middle of the parking lot S8E10: Dwight punches Jim in the arm; Erin asks Andy for Jessica to die; Meredith threatens to drive drunk if Andy doesn’t drive her home; Meredith rides in the back of her van without a seatbelt on S8E11: Andy asks Oscar to add $800 to their quarterly sales, implying it could be seen as a rounding error; Kevin offers to make that rounding error for Andy S8E12: Jim drives over Robert’s lawn and breaks his mailbox S8E15: Jim creates a fake murder scene in his hotel room for Dwight which involved stained towels, knocked over and possibly broken furniture, a writing on the door; Dwight threatens to light Jim’s face on fire; Dwight leaves the hospital with his IV solution bag, which implies he likely didn’t pay for his visit before leaving S8E16: Gabe sprays an inhaler into Packer’s drink; Dwight damages his hotel room keycard; Dwight sprays a compound of chemicals in Jim’s hotel room creating what he claims is a biohazard S8E17: Multiple homeless people are sleeping on the sidewalk outside the Sabre store (it’s usually only illegal for homeless individuals to sleep on the sidewalk if a shelter is available); Dwight tells Packer that he should act like a sexual predator when talking to the female teenage customers; a group of children throw pinecones at Andy and Pam, and one of them punches Andy in the face resulting in a black eye; Creed strikes the back of Meredith’s head; Ryan calls his uncle to get a prescription for Ritalin; Kelly attacks Toby and then accidentally elbows Andy in the face S8E18: Dwight leaves a treasure chest in the office which fires a poisoned dart upwards at whomever opens it; Jim and Dwight tackle and punch each other; Kevin forcibly kisses Meredith S8E19: Darryl drags Dwight out of his office by his hair; Andy tosses a container of eggplant parmesan onto the street; Andy leaves his car unattended in the middle of an intersection S8E20: Dwight offers to hit Nellie with a candlestick; Jessica’s friends throw food at Andy’s car S8E21: Andy smashes the frame holding a picture of Nellie; Andy punches another hole into the wall S8E22: Andy loiters at the office parking lot S8E23: Dwight and Jim create a fake identity to work around the commission cap (Dwight even admits that it’s extremely similar to embezzlement or fraud); Harry threatens to choke out Toby; Dwight tells Jim he should dent the hood of Harry’s car or slash the tires; Dwight attempts to activate the elevator’s seismic failsafes to stop the elevator; Pam steals Nellie’s phone and deletes all of her voicemails (technically illegal to use someone’s phone without their permission); Andy tells Robert if he doesn’t hire him back, he will give Prestige Direct Mail Solutions’ business to a competitor (technically blackmail) S8E24: Kevin and Robert accidentally head butt each other; Andy mops the carpets, likely damaging them; Dwight steals Philip’s used diaper so he can have a paternity test done (this is called gene theft); Angela and Dwight both speed and drive recklessly; Angela hits Mose multiple times; Dwight and Mose both leave their cars unattended in the middle of the street; Robert forcibly kisses Andy; Dwight forces himself on Angela (though seconds later she is a willing participant) S9E1: Andy threatens to make up a reason to fire Nellie (since Toby is aware of this, if Nellie were to sue Andy, Toby would have to testify against him); Andy purposely pushes Nellie off of the slack-lining rope; Dwight deconstructs Dunder Mifflin equipment to create his trapeze set; Dwight gets stuck on the slack-line and the fire department has to come to get him down; Andy places all of the recycling bins near Nellie and has people throw their trash at her S9E2: While the building’s janitor is on vacation, the building becomes incredibly dirty to the point where rats can be seen (likely against multiple health codes); Nellie forces Dwight into a situation where he has to chop off her hand (though he doesn’t go through with it) S9E3: Nellie drives recklessly; Nellie uses her phone while driving S9E4: Dwight and Toby find EMF hotspots in the office which could imply that there’s poor wiring in the building (depending on how bad the wiring actually is, this could actually break laws); Stanley threatens to spank Clark; Dwight drives the work bus (depending on the type of bus it was, Dwight would need a certain license to drive it); Phyllis asks someone to just start driving the bus while Dwight is on the roof; Dwight drops himself through the rooftop emergency exit on the bus onto Jim; Dwight drives the bus recklessly S9E5: Creed comes into the office with blood stains all over his clothes (it likely was not his blood, so he may have harmed someone); Andy reveals he had sex with a snowman while at Cornell (would fall under public indecency); Dwight catches Meredith in a net and causes her to fall to the floor S9E6: Kevin leaves his car in the middle of the parking lot so he can run to the bathroom; Oscar forges documents to make it looks like Kevin has been taking money from Dunder Mifflin; Nellie, Jim, Pam, and Darryl create a situation where Dwight believes that police have surrounded David’s house; Pete’s friend Flipper once drunkenly flipped a table over at a bar S9E7: Dwight claims he used to have a barber who fought dogs and made dogs fight each other; Clark is used as leverage by Dwight to get Jan’s business (this trade would be dangerously close to prostitution) S9E8: Dwight reveals that Trevor has had numerous guns stolen from him; Angela hires Trevor to murder Oscar; Dwight claims he has left poop in a paper bag on people’s porches (would be classified as vandalism); Trevor claims that people have left poop in a bag on his porch multiple times; Angela asks Trevor to break Oscar’s kneecaps instead; Trevor brings a concealed weapon into the office; Phyllis taps a stranger on the back with the sharp end of a knife; Phyllis forcibly removes a decorative wine bottle from its base; Angela kicks Oscar in the shin S9E9: Dwight hits Oscar and Jim with a stick; Darryl collapses on a table and breaks it in half S9E10: Dwight throws his coffee cup up in the air, likely staining the carpet; Dwight sprays a disinfectant in Erin, Pam, Angela, and Meredith’s faces; Erin tackles Stanley; Meredith reveals that one of her exes keyed a bunch of people’s cars; Meredith also reveals that she pooped into an office shredder; Dwight accidentally sets off an insecticidal grenade (I don’t believe there is a real insecticidal grenade but I’m sure there’s some law against either setting one off or doing so with people nearby); Angela hits Oscar in the head with a coffee pot; Kevin misuses one of the warehouse machines and causes it to break; Dwight accidentally sets off another insecticidal grenade in his car (he most likely still drove his car after while experiencing hallucinogenic side effects) S9E11: Jim is seen driving a motorcycle (Jim likely did not have a motorcycle license); Dwight suggests that Jim should drive 240 miles per hour so he can get to the office faster; Creed steals Phyllis’ ring; Kevin forcibly lifts Angela up multiple times; Darryl misses a basketball hoop and accidentally breaks a wall lamp and electrocutes a fish tank (though Darryl agreed to pay for the damage); multiple people in the office tear up the carpet flooring S9E12: Dwight rips open a couch cushion with a knife; Dwight drives one of the delivery trucks (he likely does not have a license to drive the truck); Dwight throws a milkshake through the drive-thru window at an employee; a customer in the drive-thru throws a milkshake at Dwight S9E13: Dwight reveals that Rolf uses hand grenades to fish; Mose is seen running in the middle of the street (could be considered jaywalking); Dwight reveals that when he was a child, he went to a school that was run by a conman; one of Dwight’s friends reveals that the school used the students as labor; Melvina reveals that she’s been double parked for about two hours; Dwight gives the sales rep applicants Jim’s home address so they can toilet paper it; Rolf tells Dwight to be weary of any suspicious packages he may get, implying that he’ll be sending him potentially dangerous packages; Dwight attempts to suffocate Clarke S9E14: Frank vandalizes Pam’s warehouse mural; Angela hits Oscar; Dwight and Pam vandalize Frank’s truck; Frank rushes at Pam with the intent to hit her; Brian hits Frank in the face with his boom mic S9E15: Meredith suggests that everyone in the office should try cocaine S9E16: Dwight’s Aunt Shirley slaps Angela; Andy snoops through Erin’s phone; Andy kicks Toby; Angela accidentally sets off the hose on Dwight (the hose likely has the same pressure as a firehose, which is about 150 PSI, so this could be considered assault); Toby leaves the prison wearing a neck brace after visiting the Scranton Stranger, implying the Strangler attempted to strangled him; S9E17: Dwight throws dirt in the faces of Erin, Phyllis, Kevin, Oscar, Meredith, Angela, Stanley, Pam and Jim; Dwight’s brother Jeb drives his car into Aunt Shirley’s grave; Packer reveals he’s in Narcotics Anonymous, implying he used to use drugs; Dwight reveals that his family members have accidentally buried family members who were thought to be dead but were actually in deep sleep; Dwight unloads a shotgun into his aunt’s corpse; Jeb reveals that he owns a worm farm in California (medical marijuana was not legalized in California until 2018); Packer reveals that the cupcakes he gave out to everyone in the office, as well as to Jim and Darryl were laced with drugs, some legal and some not; Packer is seen having parked his car halfway between a handicapped spot and a do-not-park zone; Clarke reveals that while drugged, he defected in some bushes S9E18: Dwight dumps a bucket of water onto Phyllis, and is likely the same person who dumped a bucket of water onto Andy as well (technically would be classified as assault); Meredith exposes her breasts in the office; Angela slaps Oscar S9E19: Dwight shoots Stanley with three tranquilizers meant for a bull (horse tranquilizers can cause serious harm to humans, and a bull tranquilizer likely has a higher dosage); Meredith squirts some of the bull tranquilizer into her drink (probably not illegal since she put it into her own drink, but it would be classified as placing a foreign object into an edible, which is actually a felony); Dwight and Clarke accidentally slam Stanley’s unconscious body into two walls; while sliding down a flight of stairs, Stanley’s unconscious body makes a dent in the wall; Andy kicks over an empty trash can; a man at the talent agency claims that through his dog-cat-mouse act, he goes through a lot of mice (allowing your pet to eat live animals can be considered animal cruelty); Stanley tranquilizes himself so that he doesn’t have to climb the stairs S9E20: Creed smashes a melon on the warehouse floor; Pam accidentally hits Toby in the eye with a paper airplane; Erin reveals that when she was in the orphanage, she once ripped Susan’s pigtails off of her head; Erin crushes a box of packing peanuts; Clarke asks Pam and Jim to share the drugs he think they’re high on; Angela is seen taking rolls of toilet paper from the office S9E21: Lackawanna County takes away “two sacks” worth of Angela’s cats because she is violating her apartment complex’s pet rules; Dwight throws his briefcase and hits multiple items; Dwight nearly kicks and punches multiple in the office; Andy asks Toby to falsify files; Andy attempts to grope Toby; Andy dedicates on David’s car (this would be classified as vandalism and public indecency); S9E22: Dwight reveals that his grandmother was shot by Adolph Coors; Dwight throws the summoning bag against the back of Jim’s head; Casey Dean jumps on the back of the a cappella show host; Meredith spanks Darryl; Dwight is seen driving with his police light on his car; Dwight drives recklessly S9E23: Dwight reveals that Creed faked his own death; Dwight also reveals that the police are looking for Creed as he sold drugs, trafficked endangered animal meat, and stole weapons-grade LSD from the military; Oscar reveals that Kevin used to make up numbers to balance the books; Mose kidnaps Angela and locks her in his trunk for three hours; Creed changes his identity; Ryan reveals that his partner abandoned him and their child; Ryan purposely gives his son an allergic reaction; Kelly and Ryan abandon his son with Ravi; Nellie takes Ryan’s son as her own child (she didn’t legally adopt him so this would be considered child abduction); Pam attempts to sell their home without Jim’s knowledge (since Jim bought the house as a surprise, his name is likely on the deed as well and Pam wouldn’t be able to sell it without him); Kevin spills alcohol all over a cabinet while filling up glasses
Today, I'm saying goodbye to the me that is in-debt to anyone
Almost like she wants to make a clean sweep of anyone she's ever befriended (i.e. she sees friendships as debts). Thankfully, her last line casts this in a much more positive light, so we'll pick this up when we get there. The scene in question is in the Casino Palace (check the stickers on the walls and door behind the Shadow, who is also the guard-type from the Casino), where she walks past Joker to retrieve the rapier embedded in an enemy with a very stylish twirling kick. The bulk of the trailer starts once she grabs it, with the shot lingering on her hand as if to show her determination. SCENE 2: After the title card showing her name and VA, we get a much more pleasant scene of her and Joker at the batting cages (and we know it's just those two because we can see in Picture 3 in the album linked above that Morgana isn't in his bag - it looks quite hollow without it!) ...however, we can't say this is the batting cages anymore since this looks far more professional than the ones in Yongen-Jaya (the baseball fan outside it in the base game even comments on this if you talk to him). Are there two sets of cages now, with this being the more "advanced" one? We also know that P5R is getting a revamped trophy list: will the original "Get a home run" trophy now be replaced with a "Get a home run in [new location]'s batting cages" instead? And where is this? As I said, the cages look far more professional than the old set and we already know we're getting a new location - Kichijoji - that's said to be a massive hub with many things to do, so I think it's safe to assume that's where this is taking place. And what are the two of you doing here? There are multiple camera angles and the activity in question seems too involved to just be an ordinary hangout, so I believe this is a Confidant event: you've brought Kasumi here so she can try something she's always wanted to but never got the chance to try (like taking Makoto to the arcade and Haru to Leblanc) and the reason you're here and not Yongen-Jaya is because Kasumi lives in Kichijoji as implied in her dialogue in the aquarium hangout spot (tl;dr: because she "remembers" going there in the past) so likely asked you to take her to a spot she's always passed by but never had the time or courage to go on her own. (As for where Kasumi would live, I assume she's in one of the apartments of the complex you see in the background at the start of the P5R reveal trailer when Joker's on his phone.) I'll touch on this motivation later on so keep it in mind. As for the scene in question, it's pretty clear that this is Kasumi's first try. She seems nervous at first if her referring to herself in the third person is any indicator (unless that's just how she does things in which case, d'aww) and despite her enthusiasm...doesn't even see the ball fly past her. Twice. Meanwhile Joker just sits there not emoting at all. Poor thing xD From a technical standpoint, it's remarkable how well Kasumi's model is animated: her face changes from determined to shocked perfectly in sync with the scene and her sprites and she even looks back and forth quickly after missing the first ball and is just stunned silent after the next! ...however, the balls she misses disappear as soon as they hit the net, though there are already two balls on the ground when she starts, so the scene either ends here or she gets the third one - possibly after you give her some advice (of course, if you give her bad advice, she'll do it on her own and you won't get any affinity points. Meanie.) SCENE 3: This scene does two things. First, it reveals that Kasumi is utterly adorable. Second, it confirms that Kasumi will be in Hawaii (something I didn't realise until I took a closer look, myself). How do we know this is Hawaii? The shop is called Aloha and most of the shoppers are Shujin students (which makes sense since they're tourists and would probably flood any nearby shops) and there's a palm tree on the right. Admittedly this could all just be a themed shop - complete with fake tree - in Kichijoji (which is what I initially thought myself), but the left side of the shop shows that they're also selling hawaiian shirts, sandals, sunglasses and hats, all of which would be very useful on the beach. The biggest giveaway however is the trio of caucasians on the left side - a man leaning on the sunglasses rack and the couple looking at flip flops. You don't see so many of those in one place anywhere else in P5! So why is Kasumi here? If this were Kichijoji, I'd assume she was out for a jog and popped in for a drink, but Hawaii's quite the trek. Since she's an accomplished gymnast, it's possible that she's here for some sort of competition/ exhibition, hence the tracksuit (she could either be on her way to/ from a performance or exercising/ jogging). As for Joker's lack of reaction, it's possible he already knew she was here. Either they met on the day they arrived (or the second arrived, if they came to Hawaii at different times) or he knew before they even left. After all, Kasumi is clearly friends with him at this point so would absolutely let him know that she was going on a trip (or vice versa) and for them to realise they'd be there at the same time. ...but seriously, not reacting at all? I guess going to the Metaverse would make real world surprises less impactful. He can at least play along with her though: one of the options is "I'm surprised/ You surprised me", though since it isn't said with any punctuation I have to assume it's a very dry/ sarcastic response. (Also, Futaba will probably be very upset if she already knows Kasumi at this point since they're the same age, but it'd give her another reason to go back to school, so yay!) Edit*7: Of course this serves the narrative too, since this way Futaba focuses entirely on parsing Sae's data and Morgana has nothing to do, which leads to his feelings of inadequacy by the time the team comes back from their trip. And to those of you who hoped Kasumi would be worked into the Hawaii trip, now she has! And since Joker and the others wouldn't care about any sports events happening near them, it makes sense that it wouldn't be brought up in the base game too! Also, if we're spending more time in Hawaii - or at least stopping by a store and maybe seeing Kasumi's performance/ competition - we have more opportunities to bump into Haru too! SCENE 4: Back in Japan, this scene is set in the cafe and also marks the first time we see Kasumi in truly "casual" clothing (since the other "casual" outfit she was in was a yellow button up shirt), which makes for a nice change. The polka dots make for a more childish appearance too, could this represent her feeling more free after spending time with Joker? In any case, the scene starts with Kasumi thanking Joker for the meal. Considering she has three large plates, a small plate, a bowl and what appears to be a platter on her side of the table while he only has a cup...I feel sorry for his wallet! Joker even sweats about her eating so much and has the option to say the food was terrible, but doesn't (probably wise since Kasumi clearly liked it :P) What's strange is that there's a cut in the conversation (the camera clearly cuts back to is default position) as Kasumi says her mind and body are fully recharged...only for her stomach to growl again. Cue the awkward silence, and just look at the wide open eyes on her face in Picture 13! :3 But that begs the question, is this just a running gag, or does she eat a lot because of all the activity she does? Could she also be comfort eating (though hopefully not with the vomiting sometimes associated with it)? While this could be a story event given the cut (which could have been to avoid revealing important character and/ or plot points), that you have the option to say something she'd disagree with (about the quality of the food) makes me wonder if this is a Confidant event instead. SCENE 5: This scene is very interesting for a number of reasons, as we'll get into. This part of the trailer starts with Kasumi's Awakening, but I want to discuss the enemy she's Awakening against first: as noted in this thread by u/zatifiend, the Shadow is Byakhee. What's interesting here (as explained incredibly well here by u/Questionable71) is that this is one of the henchmen for the main villain of Persona 2, Nyarlathotep, and an enemy-only Persona to boot. What's notable about this is that Nyarlathotep is the overarching villain of the entire Persona franchise (though he admittedly hasn't appeared since P2). I'm sceptical of the chances of him returning (though he'd be a logical next step after Yaldabaoth if the new Semester of the game intends to ramp up the stakes), but P5 already brought back Bless/ Curse non-instakill Skills and the Gun/ Psy/ Nuke elements from P1 and 2. Either Byakhee being here is a continuation of that "let's bring back old elements" mentality (for example, that he's fully yellow may just mean he's the Principal's Shadow or lackey, since he too wears all yellow and some people wanted him to have a Palace), or the returning elements were a sign that "we have plans for the old stuff". Moving on, where is this taking place? It looks like the back vault at first glance, but there's way too many new elements for that theory to hold. The lighting during her Awakening looks like it comes from spotlights while the floor is marble, with floor lights outside of the darker regions. Do the lights indicate this is a performance hall of some kind, meaning this is indeed Kasumi's Palace and she's rebelling against the expectations put on her (which the lights could be symbolic of if they're not simply there for dramatic effect to signify this as her Awakening scene) as a gymnast? I initially thought her Ruler would be her parent(s) as with Hifumi, but if it's indeed the Principal taking him out would also bring closure to everyone he hurt by only caring about his reputation, e.g. letting Kamoshida and the mafia have their way because he didn't want to get his hands dirty (keeping the kids quiet is probably the only reason he hired Takuto, now that I think about it). In any case, we already knew Kasumi was a Thief by the Casino at least (since we had a screenshot of her there) and even got a clip of her there in this trailer, so we know for a fact that this Palace has been inserted into the main events of the game. The biggest stretch of time in the base game for such an addition would be In Summer. Perhaps her Ruler kept compelling her to compete or perform even during the break and this pushed her over the edge? And if it is the Principal and the Palace is the school again, it'd be interesting to see the same place warped in two different ways! Back to Kasumi herself. As shown in Pictures 16 and 17, while she's initially angry when getting the mask, she smiles when pulling it off and is perfectly poised when doing so to boot. Even Haru only posed after summoning Miledy! Why is this so easy for her? We already know from the teaser that she's strong willed, is she so strong willed that she can smile through the pain, or is she smiling because she knows she's in the right/ now has the power to make things right? You may remember the theory in the master post that Kasumi already tried changing hearts in the past and failed, which is why she keeps her head down (and maybe why she moved away since - again - she says she remembers the aquarium in Kichijoji from a seemingly long time ago). If that theory is true, maybe she smiles since she's just RE-Awakening a power she locked away in the past and so there is no pain? She could also be getting a new Persona to replace the old and she doesn't feel the pain because she's already "Awakened" before and is either immune to the pain now or expects it. And hey, if her first Persona represents her true beliefs (that happily happen to match the Thieves') it could even return as her Ultimate Persona (unlike with Goro, who got Robin Hood separately while already having Loki)! Anyway, she Awakens to her Persona, who turns out to be Cendrillon, the French name for Cinderella. There's quite a bit to discuss here, so I'll give her her own section later and dive into combat now. Kasumi's and Cendrillon's models are incredibly well detailed here though - the Pros of only having to develop for the PS4 - and we may even reach the point where the in-game cutscenes look better than the anime ones! In the gameplay footage she uses the Physical skill Heat Wave, a skill in the base game that inflicts Heavy damage to all foes at a cost of 20% of the user's HP. She has 379 HP after using it which puts her max HP (in this clip at least) at 474 when rounded to the nearest whole number. That's a lot of HP, so were we right in assuming she's indeed a Physical damage dealer? Back to the combat. Byakhee is immune to Bless, Curse and Psy attacks and resistant to everything else in P2.*2 If that's true here, then Kasumi's Critical Hit was the only way they could have knocked it down for an AoA. Again, ATLUS could have fixed her crit rate for this shot (and she has the Death Glare to justify the trickery) but all three shots of her in action have resulted in her getting a Critical Hit. Could she simply have Apt Pupil (and Fortified Moxy, though it wouldn't help in this boss battle) instead? Maybe even an upgraded version alongside it? *2 Kasumi deals 306 damage with her Critical Hit and this is enough to deplete half of Byakhee's health. While this may again be part of some technical wizardry or plain overlevelling on Joker and Morgana's part to make the footage more interesting (and Kasumi more powerful) it could also mean Byakhee isn't as powerful as he was before. Of course, this seems to be a boss version, and those have tweaked resistances anyway (though I don't remember anyone ever losing immunities/ resistances). Anyway, we see that her pose when using Skills is just as fanciful as her others and his grace extends to her AoA, which is preceded by an extended animation a la the Twins', which features her ribbon dancing before the Finishing Touch screen - a nice way to confirm that she does indeed ribbon dance as her cosplayer did at the Persona Concert! As an aside, her pose in the prelude to the AoA is very similar to Joker's in that they both hold their right hands to their heads with fingers splayed (and having matching hai eye colours). Their outfits are similar, as are their Personas (as I'll get to later) so them mirroring each other even in the little things makes sense too! The quote in her Finishing Touch is "Beauty is Devotion". What does this mean, since she doesn't seem shallow enough to think beauty is everything? Is she referring to the grace of her movements? In my character analysis I pointed out evidence to suggest she enjoyed gymnastics despite the pressure people put on her as a result; does this quote also mean she takes pride in her form and the work she puts into maintaining it? It would explain why she poses so extravagantly in battle (and when ripping her own face off)! Also, she holds the end of her ribbon in her mouth as you would a rose while actual roses and rose petals adorn the screen. Does this mean anything or is it just an aesthetic - and coincidental - choice? Maybe her code name is indeed Rose? Let's not forget she has a silver one at her hip too! SCENE 5: HOW/ WHERE DID IT HAPPEN? Before we touch on the closing line of the trailer and Cendrillon, let's think about how this situation comes to be. While the stats could be inflated and other characters could have been removed from the cutscene to prevent spoiling anything, I'm going to take them at face value for this and assume that Joker and Kasumi stumble into a Palace at some point (incidentally, the fact that Joker can't simply leave and fetch the Thieves means this is a fixed sequence as with everyone's Awakenings save Yusuke). Also, the high stats for everyone means this must happen in the late game? However, ATLUS has confirmed they're making it easier to level up, so I don't think we can make assumptions and use character stats as more than a vague metric for the current point in the game, so this could just as easily be in the mid-game (and indeed In Summer as suggested earlier). It's possible that Kasumi calls Joker out to talk through her problems with him and happens to mention the keywords for whoever's causing her problems like Ryuji did, and they wander into the new Palace (and get trapped inside, so they can't simply turn around) by accident. Cue the "here we go again" meme from Joker. Long story short, Joker and Morgana transform as soon as they enter and are outed as Thieves and Byakhee corners them when they try to escape. Obviously Kasumi has recognised signs of the person she hated while they traversed the Palace and Byakhee's taunting/ mocking pushes her over the edge and she decides to finally stand up for herself and any other victims, which Awakens her Persona. (By the way, Morgana seems shocked that she's Awakening. Is this just for dramatic tension, or did he and possibly Joker genuinely want to keep her safe, so seeing her "become a fighter" is upsetting to them?) Going back to the Palace itself, Pictures 20 and 21 show a better view of the area where the Awakening and boss fight happen. There's a grand staircase as with a ballroom, but the floor is wooden with couches and a poster promoting good health on the right as you'd expect in any room you'd go to for exercising/ fitness classes - both things that would be relevant to Kasumi*3! Is it a mere coincidence that she Awakens in such a fitting area, or is this entire Palace all about her and thus its Ruler someone who has it out for - or tries to control - her specifically, like a parent? Considering most of the early game Palaces are about saving a specific victim with the Ruler's defeat simply helping others as a result (e.g. Kamoshida to avenge Shiho, Madarame to save Yusuke, etc.), having a Palace just to save Kasumi from being oppressed makes perfect sense and would fit in perfectly with the rest! *3And combined with the ballroom staircase, maybe this room could symbolise some sort of (performance) hall for gymnastics events? And finally, maybe the shot of Kasumi checking her phone at sunset in the April trailer is related to this? After all, Joker seems happy to see her and Morgana doesn't try to hide himself, which suggests they're both friends with her at this point. What if Kasumi is trying to see if their Change of Heart worked at that moment? They seem to be outside the school at the time, which would fit nicely with this theory if I was right the first time about the new Palace also being Shujin Academy :) SCENE 6 (DIALOGUE): As the Finishing Touch ends, Kasumi ends her narration from the start of the trailer ("First of all, let me introduce myself") with:
I've received a lot of help. Someday, I'd like to return the favor with the help of my sword. I can promise you that, so please don't forget!
This sounds like something she'd say to Joker, possibly right after Awakening given the reference to her sword. What if Joker's helped her many times (we saw them talking on at least two occasions outside the train station in May's trailers) even before helping her survive her Palace, which is why she makes such an earnest vow? And what if this help includes her Confidant events, if they're all about taking her to try new things in new locations? You'd have to know about those locations beforehand via books or other characters, but what if instead of receiving a Mementos Request you end up in a mini-Palace instead? For example, Kasumi's talking about whoever wronged her and Joker asks for their name so he can tell the others, but doesn't realise his MetaNav has turned on and it sends them to a Palace right away? The marble floor in Kasumi's Awakening scene matches the white aesthetic of the new Mementos rooms, so maybe this will be our chance to see what a fledgling Palace looks like (assuming Joker, Morgana and Kasumi are able to complete it themselves)? Of course for this theory to work, Kasumi would have either already sent them a Calling Card equivalent or asked that the three of them deal with the target on their own (as with Futaba and her uncle) so that the others don't get involved. In other words, her Confidant's Rank 8 event would be much more elaborate than any other, but in return you'd get a full-fledged teammate instead of just a new ability! Maybe the screenshot of the full team in Mementos' entrance is when she's introduced to them? CONNECTION TO THE OPENING SCENE: That last line a sweet sentiment, but it may tie back into the very first scene of the trailer where she says she's "saying goodbye to the me that is in-debt to anyone". We all know the Palace ends with Joker using himself as bait to unravel the conspiracy, but what if Kasumi disagrees with this and - when the group scatters to avoid escape - she goes after him? There's a screenshot of the two alone in the Casino Palace fighting a Jatayu to corroborate this theory. What if the scene at the start of the trailer is Joker running into a Shadow and Kasumi (who has yet to catch up to him) throws her rapier ahead of her*1 to kill it before it attacks him, telling Joker she's here to become a better person and pay off her debts as she retrieves it? This starts a small segment of the Palace where it's just the two of them and maybe Kasumi ends up captured alongside him as a consequence of her nobility? Or maybe even captured instead of him (though this would mean changing the prologue)? If my theory that she's an optional party member is correct, this would be similar to Marie in P4G: you have until a certain date to finish her Confidant and unlock an extended ending, otherwise you experience the original ending. Of course I could be entirely wrong about that part and Joker does simply help Kasumi out a lot in the base game, since they clearly have many scenes together - they have at least one scene together with Akechi that I haven't even mentiond yet, for example! *1 On closer observation, Kasumi's shadow still has the sword at her hip as she walks, but the camera angle changes just as it pans up to her hip so we can't tell if this is the case on her actual body too or just an animation bug. I still think the entire opening clip is part of the same scene though, only trimmed down to fit the length of her line. If she indeed has her sword with her at the start, it just means the quick cut to her kicking it back into her hand skipped the scene where she actually stabbed it to prove she was committed to seeing Joker home safely. And the Shadow was too stunned by her entrance to move, which happens a lot in Persona 5. And understandably so! Edit*8: For another opinion on this scene, look no further than this comment with a quote from u/Yeulia and their thoughts on what it could mean. Perhaps instead of being caught by the police in Joker's place, Kasumi could use the similarities in their Thief forms to act as bait if something goes wrong (and she's convinced to go along with the original plan)? And maybe this is the moment - especially the thought of Joker, someone she's no doubt very attached to and maybe even has a crush on at this point (or an actual relationship if you can get to her Rank 9 by this point and choose the romance option and no, that isn't a "well, duh" option for everyone, even if most of this trailer is adorable moment after adorable moment) letting himself be arrested and subjected to who knows what for the greater good - that convinces her to side with the Thieves for good? Maybe this is also the point where she decides to hijack the Metaverse for their sake, or whatever it is that incites the strange events in the final three months of the game? After all, those changes may even start while Joker's still in the interrogation room; it's fitting that she'd act then, since that's when Joker's at his most vulnerable! It'd be very interesting if the "you need to max her Confidant before the Casino Heist" theory is correct because it means we'll see major divergences from the main story right away (maybe acting that particular moment is also what influences Akechi to work with them again?) And as mentioned in Edit 6 below, this may be part of the reason we don't know her Arcana yet. What if it signifies that she does indeed have such game changing power? --- CENDRILLON As stated before, Cendrillon is the French version of Cinderella. Already there are similarities between her and Arsene as a result, just like their other selves! Both are French and dressed in high class attire - Arsene in a suit and cravat, Cendrillon in a dress and gem in her chest - and both are humanoids with very slender builds and realistic proportions. Lore-wise, the Cinderella story is actually incredibly old, with the earliest version of it - Rhodopis - originating sometime between 7 BC and 24 AD. This version tells of how a Greek courtesan's sandal was picked up by an eagle and dropped in the lap of the Pharoah in Memphis, who "stirred both by the beautiful shape of the sandal and by the strangeness of the occurrence, sent men in all directions into the country in quest of the woman who wore the sandal". She was found, brought to him and became his wife. A very simple and bizarre story. With a story that old, there are understandably many, many, many variations of it, too many too list! So I'll stick to Cendrillon herself from Cendrillon ou la petite pantoufle de verre, by Perrault. It was written in 1697 and introduced most of the elements we associate with the story today such as the Fairy Godmother and pumpkin carriage. The strange thing is that one of the morals of this version of the story was quite cynical:
without doubt it is a great advantage to have intelligence, courage, good breeding, and common sense. These, and similar talents come only from heaven, and it is good to have them. However, even these may fail to bring you success, without the blessing of a godfather or a godmother
Thankfully, Kasumi of course already has an answer to this in the form of her Persona (who happens to be Cinderella herself, funnily enough), who gives her the power to stand up for herself and fulfil her own version of justice. As for the rest of the story, it's easy to draw parallels if we assume the theory about her being forced to compete for her family/ school is true. Society (the step-family) oppresses and forces her into a role she doesn't want, but in her darkest moment her Persona (Fairy Godmother) appears and gives her the chance to explore a whole new world and be herself/ do what she wants and thinks is right (the Metaverse/ royal ball). Going to this new world also gives her the chance to bond with someone who likes her for herself and through him can experience the things she never could on her own (Joker and her Confidant events like playing baseball/ the Prince and freedom). There's even a part in the initial reveal trailer where she dances in the middle of a crowd with all eyes on her, just as Cinderella had all eyes on her at the ball! As for her Ultimate Persona? Well, it'd have to be a female mythological figure who escaped an oppressive life, while also being known for being a trickster. Any ideas? Edit*3: The Morrígan/ Mór-Ríoghain is an Irish Goddess of war and fate - even called "the Phantom Queen!" - and may be a candidate for the first criteria since she's also known for her trickery (such as tricking the hero Cúchulainn into healing her injuries by disguising herself as an old woman). In fact, Morrigan is already a demon in the core SMT series, so we know ATLUS already knows about her (or were, at any rate). Another is the similarly named yet unrelated Morgan le Fay from Arthurian Legend. Morgan's character has been in a lot of flux throughout the ages, going from being a fairy to Arthur's sister to being good then evil and back again. However, she is both a trickster and - depending on the interpretation - was wronged by her family, though this also made her a traitor to Arthur. But this is also the version of the story where she returns to being on his side again and carrying him off to Avalon upon his near-death, which may mirror Kasumi betraying the group (with good intentions) and coming back to them - after all, they kept Akechi around! He may even be the one to point out that they'll take her back no matter what she's done - though hopefully won't mirror Arthur's death by killing off Joker. --- OTHER The new song is a mystery for the most part, but the first and last lyrics are "You actually thought you could get away? Ah [...] don't think so!" and "I can change the world." Assuming this is Kasumi's theme song, it hints that she's very confident in her own abilities. This could just be the cockiness every Thief feels when they work, but could it also be an indicator that Kasumi is confident in her "real world" life too? Maybe even outside her skill in (and qualms with) gymnastics? And is this an innocent detail, or a sign that she already knows what being in the Metaverse is like (especially with "You actually thought you could get away?") or even that she has ulterior motives? Both lines are threats, after all! Even if she's saying she can "save the world" instead, it doesn't necessarily mean her definition of "saving something" is a healthy one! Remember how the original trailer started with her "taking everyone's dreams"? I admit it'd hard to see someone this goofy and sweet as a villain though. Konichi...wa! Edit*6:
Here's something I keep forgetting to mention (and have been meaning to say since the trailer dropped, so you can imagine how this makes me feel): we got Kasumi's Persona but not her Arcana. Why is that? I suspected they'd only show us one and that the Persona was most likely, but that was because I thought her Arcana may be a spoiler (indeed, an Arcana does say more about what someone can do than their Persona alone). So will she be an Aeon, a Jester or a completely different Arcana, like how Takuto uses a card from the Spanish Tarot?
Many people have noted that the shot of Kasumi Awakening here is different to the shot of her in the Metaverse in the April trailer. I stand by what I said before then that the latter is her losing her powe it deactivating due to shock. Specifically that it's either in the past and she witnessed the event that scared her into never standing up for herself against her family, teachers or even strangers with Akechi possibly being responsible OR when she's defeated and/ or shocked that her friends still believe in her after whatever she does in the new arc of the game!
--- Thank you all so much for reading! Please let me know what I missed or need to fix and I'll do my best to update this as soon as I can in my own time as well! --- Edits: June 6th Edit 1, 12:35 UTC: Added the OTHER section, added a correction to "CONNECTION TO THE OPENING SCENE" and added a mention of Kasumi's head twitch (d'aww) in "SCENE 2". Edit 2, 12:46 UTC: Fixed the second lyric from "'Cos" to "Ah [...] don't think so!" and added a note about Byakhee in "SCENE 5". Edit 3, 13:58 UTC: Extended the end of the correction in Edit 1, Added two candidates for Kasumi's Ultimate Persona and added an alternate interpretation for the place Kasumi Awakens to her Persona (...and making the assumption that Byakhee is a boss only Persona and won't appear as a regular enemy, huh) in "SCENE 5: HOW/ WHERE DID IT HAPPEN?" Edit 4: In this comment. 14:03 UTC. (And Edit 5 in the same comment. 14:19 UTC.) Edit 6: Added two notes to the "OTHERS" section above and some blasphemy to SCENE 5 ("and we may even reach the point where the in-game cutscenes look better than the anime ones")! 15:38 UTC. Edit 7: Added a paragraph to "SCENE 4". 15:52 UTC. Edit 8: Added theories based on u/Yeulia's (as quoted in the comments). 16:101 UTC. Edit 9: Added an Akechi mention to a theory in "OTHER"'s Edit 6! 16:17 UTC. June 8th Edit 11: Added some screencaps of her lightning fast 360* flip at the start of the trailer to the end of the album and on top of being an amazing flash of awesomeness from someone who already oozes it as much as she does adorableness, here's why I think it matters! Also, MysticDistance shared a rough transcription of the lyrics in the trailer. While I got everything the ending completely wrong, I still think the song is a huge case of Kasumi (and maybe the Thieves as a whole) boasting about how she completely dominates the opposition, so I think the rest of my commentary on the lyrics still holds water! 00:01 UTC. June 9th Edit 12: Added a short list of interesting details I and others have noticed, along with some speculation. Maybe they'll be relevant! 11:32 UTC.
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